maepress

tea and calm (sorta)

2012-02-07T11:00:00.006-05:00

For the past week I've been forgoing my morning cup o' joe for some green tea. It's been a nice change of pace. I have found that I feel much more mellow. This is all relative though, since my life right now is really nothing but mellow! Tea is fun to get a little obsessed with I've also noticed. There's so many different kinds and types for each mood. In the evenings, while sitting by the fire I can drink this warm and spicy, Dream by the Fire Tea

And in the morning when I need a little energy, the past few days I've been drinking Chop Wood, Carry Water tea (isn't that just a great name for a morning beverage?)I like to throw in some dried rose hips for tartness and Vitamin C

I even bought a cute little glass tumbler to take my tea to work with me in the morning. It doubles nicely as a water bottle when I'm not increasing my tea habit.

Another thing that goes nicely with my new habit is watching episodes of Downton Abbey. Nothing like British drama to go with your evening cup!

My goodness, letter writing, tea drinking, masterpiece theatre - I'm being quite the sophisticate this February! lest you think I am becoming too serious, here's a tea related video that is both very silly and very funny.

Month of letters challenge

2012-02-01T14:33:00.002-05:00

The month of letters has begun!

This morning I put all of Skater girls thank you letters in the mail. Yes, they are quite late - but better late than never, right?

And you may be saying, hmmmm... those aren't exactly letters, and you didn't exactly write them. Okay okay, I confess, that is true. But still, I put them in the post. So I'm counting it.

Mondays and Wednesdays I am at work from 9am to 8pm, so this was the best I could do for today. Tomorrow though, some very lucky person will be mailed a lovely little letter. who should it be? hmmm, I have a list of folks, and I have nearly everyone's address too. And now I have a few stamps, so I'm set for at least 12 letters. I discovered that you can get stamps from your ATM which has made life easier. It is my hope that I can incorporate some crafting into this little venture too, either in the way of handmade cards or postcards. I have some ideas and will be posting soon...

2012-01-25T11:28:00.003-05:00

It has been a little while since I've posted. Getting into the groove of now teaching five classes has taken some getting used to! The good news? January is flying by. This is good news to me because I'm not a big fan of either January or February. Of course, due to global warming possibly, it has been an unseasonably warm winter. Ordinarily at this time of year there would be ice, snow, and all manner of winter slush. But, right now? There's bulbs coming up in my yard! Yikes. Trying to enjoy it, but I feel wary.

Today I heard of a challenge that might be just the thing to get me through February. It is the month of letter writing challenge. This sounds like fun! When I was a kid I used to write a lot of letters. I had several pen pals and long distance relatives. I miss it. I'm already compiling a list of folks that I'd like to write to. I'm going to have to contact them though, to find out their addresses. How funny is that, that I no longer have anyone's address? I don't think I'll have any trouble coming up with a list long enough. One for every day that the mail runs. Should keep things humming along, and maybe I'll get some mail too!

PS - if you read this blog and would like me to mail you something leave your address in the comments, or email me at 77 dot obryan at gmail dot com.

Sunday pursuits

2012-01-15T22:58:00.002-05:00

This Sunday evening finds me very comfortably tired from working all day on fixing up our upstairs. Until now, it has been a pretty haphazard tumble of boxes and things thrown randomly about. The story is that we bought a rambling fixer-upper, and our small family has been fine only needing the ground floor thus far. We enjoy having the storage upstairs but just haven't had the time yet to venture up there.

But today! I spend the whole day unpacking the last few boxes, vacuuming and scrubbing floors, hanging pictures, and setting up my new sewing room - which I am very excited about. The upstairs is a strange place. The ground floor of our house is early 1900s. Incredibly high ceilings, large picture windows, muted colors and strange nooks and crannies... but the upstairs is straight out of the 1970s. Wood paneling, tacky ceiling tiles, the roof slopes at all sorts of strange angles. But the really beautiful thing about the upstairs is that since it is just extra space - we can totally just play with it! For now, since we have no money to remodel just yet, we are going to embrace the retro feel, and just go with it. It will be mostly for guests, for me to escape to for creative pursuits, and for SG to play in when she gets tired of her room.

I've really given up all hope of ever finding my little point and shoot camera again though, so maybe tomorrow I can try to take some photos with the Oak Man's complicated camera and attempt to post them. I'm really looking forward to thrifting some cool furniture and making it cozy up there. Today was great fun!

This is comforting

2012-01-04T14:54:00.001-05:00

getting back to it

2012-01-03T12:46:00.003-05:00

Okay - so sorry for that sad post yesterday! I was feeling low I think due to the extreme weather change. Sunny and 60 degrees in south carolina, to deep gray and 30 degrees in KY? I challenge anyone not to be depressed.

But this morning, I got up at 6:30, exercised, ate a healthy breakfast of yogurt and muesli, and got the kiddo off to school. She and I even had a few moments to enjoy reading by the fire before heading out into the (now 16 degree) morning! It was an excellent start. I will happily endure the freezing cold as long as the sun is shining, and it's supposed to all week!

I've gotten back into my office and I am happily organizing and getting caught up on things. I have broken down my large to do list into manageable little tasks, and have finished two so far. I also had to change my desktop wallpaper of course, since it is a new year and all. If you would like to freshen up your computer, take a look at this one!

via shanna murray

I am also plotting a sewing project. I need a new lunch sack. I have very picky specifications about this. First of all, it must be cute. Then, it should have a handle. Finally, I'd really like for it to fold up. I used to have this lunch bag from whole foods that folded up nicely, but the fabric was hideous. And it fell apart. (after about a year of heavy use, not too bad really) So it would also be nice if it was sturdy. whether or not it is insulated or can wipe clean is less important. I don't mind generally throwing my lunch bags in the wash. I've made a couple cute ones over the years. It's high time for a new one!

resolve

2012-01-02T14:33:00.004-05:00

It's 2012 folks. Although I feel literally no motivations today - I'm going to make a few resolutions right now. They are in order of importance.

I resolve to graduate this year.
I resolve to get back in shape.
I resolve to learn how to use power tools.
I resolve to make serious strides towards tenure.

Right now, this list makes me want to burst into tears. I feel overwhelmed by the first one. I'm not sure that I can do it. But I have no choice. Right now, I feel pretty hopeless. I hate to say that on this day that is supposed to be a day for new beginnings, and happiness. But honestly, whether it's just sadness from the holidays being over, or if it's just feeling overwhelmed by the beginning of the semester, I am not feeling great. But I will do what I always do. Which is to take a deep breath, and press on. Regardless. Eventually that will give way to a plan, which will give way to work, which will eventually become the reaching of goals.

2011-12-22T22:32:00.000-05:00

ornament swap!

2011-12-19T21:51:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow my friends at D.I.Y Louisville are hosting a handmade ornament swap! After a few weeks of pondering, I finally decided to make a little matryoshka. She's made from an old sweater that was felted. I actually made skater girl's stocking out of most of the sweater a few years back, but still had some pieces leftover. I eyeballed the shape, cut out a felt circle for the face, embroidered some embellishments, stitched and stuffed and voila! She's ready to head out into the cold to the swap. I'm sad to see her go, but excited for what I'll come home with!

Top ten local foodie favorites

2011-12-14T10:38:00.006-05:00

In the spirit of my discussion of supporting local business, I thought I'd post my top 10 favorites in the food category. If you are a local and you haven't tried some of these, I urge you to! If you are not local and would still like to try them, a lot of these products can be ordered online - just fyi. :)

#1 Come Back Inn Spaghetti sauce

I love this sauce so much! I was really excited to find that they had started making it in batches and selling it, though the only place I've seen it is at Valu Market. Louisville doesn't have a great Italian food scene, but the Come Back Inn is very, very good. It's a friendly little neighborhood place. Perfect comfort food.

#2 Ale8-1 ("a late one")

This is a funny local cola. It's basically a caffeinated ginger ale. It was invented in 1926, and is the only soda invented in KY. There's some local lore that the guy who invented it was a little off his rocker, but I'm not sure if that's true. As far as I know, this is the only soda bottled at the plant.

#3 Sunergos Coffee

This is a local coffee shop and the guys roast their own beans. In my personal opinion, they have the best coffee in town. Plus they are super knowledgeable. Plus their two shops are cool and cozy (and one is walking distance from my house - bonus!). And finally, they are staffed almost entirely by cute hipster guys, which doesn't hurt at all. (one of them is quoted as saying, "it's like hooters for women")

#4 Blue Dog Bakery

I mentioned this bakery before. Their bread is the stuff of fantasies (if you are the kind of persona who fantasizes about bread). I have never attempted to make my own bread, and as long as these guys are in business, I doubt I will. Plus, the ambiance at their shop is wonderfully francophile, romantic-comedy - esque. I love to sip an espresso and eat a pastry there on a cold rainy day.

#5 Lotsa Pasta

Lotsa Pasta is actually a small gourmet grocery store. But they make pasta in-house, and my daughter is addicted to their spinach tortellini. You can find their products in many stores around town.

#6 Kenny's Cheese

A local cheese farm, Kenny's has some of the best flavors of hard cheeses. The one pictured above is their Cumin gouda. Soooooooo gooooooood. It's cheeses like this that make it so hard to eat vegan!

#7 Cellar Door Chocolates

This is a tiny local chocolatier. She makes truffle flavors like cayenne pepper, or stout - and they are really good. Her rich confections can be found at her shop in Butchertown or at Greenhaus.

#8 BBC Brewery

Bluegrass Brewing Company is a local brewery. I'm not much of a beer drinker myself, but I think that of the local breweries, this one is my favorite. I enjoy their mead too.

#9 Bourbon Barrel Foods

I mentioned these guys in the last post. Their small batch soy sauce is super good, as well as their teriyaki sauce - Kentuckyaki. I also gifted some of their bourbon barrel smoked salt to my parents last year, and they loved it as a rub on fish and meats.

#10 The Comfy Cow

Finally, my daughter would be disappointed if I didn't mention the Comfy Cow. It is her favorite ice cream shop. They make all their flavors in house and feature a different "foodie flavor" each week. I've even heard they are going to make a moonshine flavored ice cream, but I'm not really sure how that would work. Anyway, if you like ice cream, this is the best place in town. The now have something like four locations, maybe more. It also doesn't hurt that the decor at each of their locations is adorable.

What are your favorites? Did I leave anyone out?

Supermarket Showdow: final showdown!

2011-12-12T16:29:00.006-05:00

It's time for the Trader Joe's edition!!

Grand Total $65.05

Before you freak out - please note that there were several items on the list that I didn't manage to get. I've italicized them. This was either because I couldn't find them, or because we just have too many at this point (I'm looking at you eggplant!)

FRUITS AND VEG
apples (4)......................3.96
bananas.........................1.14
scallions.........................couldn't find
grapes............................2.99 <-------- what!
celery..............................did not get
garlic (2)..............................1.29
parsley...........................couldn't find
lemons...........................0.98
carrots*...........................0.89
cucumber......................did not get
peppers.........................1.29, 1.29
greens............................2.29
onions............................0.79
eggplant........................did not get
potatoes........................2.49
sweet potatoes.............did not get

COLD CASE
rice milk*........................1.69
sliced cheese...................4.49
eggs .................................3.19
lunch meat......................3.99

PANTRY
can chickpeas*...................1.19
can artichoke hearts..........2.29
almonds (1lb bag)..............4.49
sunflower seeds (1lb bag)...1.99
applesauce*........................2.29
maple syrup........................7.99
hummus..............................2.99
bread..................................2.99
box soup...........................1.99
wraps................................2.69
falafel chips......................couldn't find
lentils...............................couldn't find
tempeh............................couldn't find! (somebody tell me where TJ's hides their tempeh)
tofu...................................1.79

If I add up the items that I didn't pick up (using Whole Foods' prices) - that totals $22.04
Even with those items added in, that brings my total to only $87.09. Still quite a bit cheaper than either store!

Okay, wrapping up -
Whole Foods total: $99.79
Valu Market total: $105.10
Trader Joe's total: $87.09

Not an enormous difference, true. Actually I find that somewhat comforting. I now know I'm not really getting robbed when I shop at whole foods (something I admit I've always thought). And I know the trip across town might be worth it. This also brings up an important question of shopping locally vs shopping organic.

Here in Louisville, we have very strong support for our local businesses. When I shop for food, I like to see this logo on it.

The impact of food travel on the earth is important to me. But I'm also interested in shopping locally for other reasons. First of all, I think its good to keep money in the community. Second, I think that it's great when cities and towns retain what is unique to them. For example, there's a pretty cool business here that makes small batch soy sauce and other condiments aged in old bourbon barrels. Bourbon Barrel Foods You couldn't really find that anywhere else, and it's a great new use for those old barrels. Spending a little change to help support a business like that is fine with me. There are so many great local businesses here. We are really blessed in that way.

So, that concludes the supermarket showdown - hope you've enjoyed it. Stay tuned for a maple syrup taste-off (since I now have three bottles!)

Supermarket Showdown: neighborhood grocery edition

2011-12-07T19:47:00.002-05:00

I finally made it to the grocery store tonight! Alright folks, here's the breakdown:

Grand total: $105.10

FRUITS AND VEG
apples (4)......................5.83
bananas.........................1.38
scallions.........................0.69
grapes............................7.24 <-------- guess I just never noticed how much grapes cost
celery.............................1.88
garlic..............................0.52
parsley...........................0.99
lemons...........................1.76
carrots*...........................2.99
cucumber......................0.50
peppers.........................1.79, 1.99
greens............................1.13
onions............................0.84
eggplant........................2.49
potatoes........................1.44
sweet potatoes.............1.48

COLD CASE
rice milk*........................3.45
sliced cheese...................3.50
eggs (local farm).............4.69
lunch meat......................2.88

PANTRY
can chickpeas*.................2.59
can artichoke hearts.......3.35
almonds..........................4.31
sunflower seeds...............2.49 (7.5 oz)
applesauce*......................2.89
maple syrup.....................8.09
hummus...........................4.99
bread (locally made)........4.39
box soup*...........................4.59
wraps*..............................1.99
falafel chips......................3.69
lentils...............................1.19 (1lb)
tempeh*............................3.99
tofu...................................3.49

Okay - initially it looks like this store is cheaper right? But if I remove the items from last week that I didn't get today (mushrooms, yogurt, pirates booty, dark chocolate and quinoa - totaling $13.91) That leaves the Whole Foods total at $99.79!! Surprise! Not only was Whole Foods cheaper, but a significantly larger number of those things were organic last week.

There are a couple more slight adjustments, for example, there's no bulk at Valu Market, so those items (almonds, quinoa, sunflower seeds and lentils) were more expensive, but only because I had to buy more of them. However, at Valu Market, the Bob's Red Mill Quinoa was $11.00 a pound!! If you recall, the 1/2 lb of quinoa I bought at whole foods was only $2.00. I think that the almonds were roughly the same. The sunflower seeds were cheaper in bulk. And the lentils were cheaper at Valu Market.

On the whole I must say that I'm super surprised that Whole Foods is cheaper. But I really wish they would carry more local stuff. One interesting thing, I think there is a greater markup on so called "health food" items at Valu Market - check out the differences between
tofu: VM = 3.49 / WF = 1.50
tempe: VM = 3.99 / WF = 2.99 (this is the exact same brand)
rice milk: VM = 3.45 / WF = 1.69
hummus: VM = 4.99 / WF = 2.49

Interesting!

updates

2011-12-05T12:27:00.003-05:00

Wow! That week flew by! And then we squeezed about as much into one weekend as humanly possible. The upside, we now have a Christmas tree (our first), SG's room is fully finished, the rental house is on it's way to being finished, SG's dance performance was a success, we got to go roller skating, and the cupboards are bare. The downside? Did not do laundry, did not clean kitchen floor (which is getting really bad - we've had a LOT of rain lately), did not vacuum, did not clean bathrooms. And the really bad part is we have dinner guests tonight. Eep! Somehow I have to dash out of my office after I give my last final of the day and get to grocery store, then zoom home - make dinner for eight and somehow get the house looking less like a dirt bomb just went off in it.

So this brings us to week 2 of supermarket showdown!

This week, since I am a bit pressed for time (ahem) - I will be going to my old standby - Valu Market. I know where everything is, I know it's all there and I can get in and out in thirty minutes. Plus, it's pretty close to my house. (Trader Joe's, unfortunately, isn't)

I was going to try to post some photos and recipes, and this week I hope to actually do this. Admittedly, last week I didn't manage to cook everything on the menu, but for the most part it worked out well. Dinner gave me trouble, lunch and breakfast went great. I had failed to realize that most of my dinners involved roasting, which takes about an hour usually. This is hard to do when two nights out of the week I don't get home until 7:30pm. However, I am writing this at my desk - where I'm eating a lunch of leftover curried delicata squash, potatoes and tofu. This recipe came from the book Super Natural Everyday - and it is quite delicious!

Tonight, since it is rainy and cold, I plan to make lentil soup, served with some good local crusty bread from Blue Dog Bakery and some of Kenny's local cheese. (and I'm able to do this folks, because they have a lot of local stuff at Valu Market - more discussion on that tomorrow though) I'm also participating in a cookie swap tomorrow night, so I'm planning on making some bourbon balls too. They seem relatively quick, and in Kentucky you can't go wrong with bourbon! Plus, since neither my husband or I drink it, we need to find a way to use up the bottles we are inevitably gifted. That's all for now! Hope everyone has a great Monday!

2011-11-30T13:25:00.003-05:00

Supermarket Showdown: Whole Foods

2011-11-28T13:17:00.005-05:00

I have to say, I was expecting it to be a lot more! One thing that is very true about Whole Foods is that there are a lot of tempting things to buy. If I can manage to stick to my list, it's not nearly as expensive.

I have listed the price of each item individually. The starred items are organic. The items in italics were not on the original list, but added as needed. Unfortunately, there are NO local items on this whole list :(

The almonds, sunflower seeds, lentils and quinoa were all bought in bulk (about a half pound of each), which is one very nice thing about Whole Foods. For the most part, I tried to buy either store brand or the cheapest items I could. There are a few things that I don't skimp on though, one is vegetable stock (the cheap ones are crazy high in sodium), and the other is canned beans (I love Eden brand canned beans, and their nutritional content is better).

Grand Total $113.70

FRUITS AND VEG
apples (4)......................5.60
bananas.........................1.31
scallions.........................1.59
grapes*............................7.01 <-------- I'm shocked by this one!
celery*.............................2.49
garlic*..............................0.66
parsley*..........................1.99
lemons...........................1.58
carrots*...........................1.17
cucumber......................0.99
peppers.........................2.15,2.94 <-------and these! (that is ONE red and ONE yellow)
greens............................1.99
onions*............................1.59
eggplant*........................2.19
potatoes........................2.68
sweet potatoes*.............3.28
mushrooms..................3.99

COLD CASE
rice milk........................1.69
sliced cheese.................4.29
eggs................................3.15
yogurt............................2.99
lunch meat....................5.99

PANTRY
can chickpeas*.................2.49
can artichoke hearts.......2.69
almonds*..........................5.85
sunflower seeds...............0.99
applesauce*......................2.69
maple syrup.....................7.99
hummus...........................2.49
bread................................2.39
box soup...........................3.69
wraps*..............................1.29
falafel chips......................5.69
pirates booty..................2.49
quinoa*............................2.05
dark chocolate*.............2.39
lentils...............................0.82
tempe*............................2.99
tofu..................................1.50

Supermarket Showdown: Grocery List

2011-11-27T10:30:00.004-05:00

I'm putting together a grocery list based on the menu that I created. I think that this will work okay, the only problem is that there are a few things on the menu that I already have and cannot buy every week. These are things like flour, rice, granola, coffee, nut butters ect... There's also a few baking things that I have to get, such as maple syrup and applesauce, but that I won't use up in a week. I think that I will just try to make do with what I have in the pantry, and hopefully will not have to buy any of those things during the challenge. If I do, I just won't count them towards the total. Alternatively, I could just buy those things each week, and stock up. At least that way I would be able to see how each store does on staples like that. All of those items are things that would keep for quite a while, so it wouldn't be too bad to have a few on hand. I think I'll just do that.

Today will be my first shopping day - and this week's supermarket is Whole Foods. Here's my list.

FRUITS & VEGGIES
apples
bananas
scallions
grapes
celery
garlic
parsley
lemons
carrots
cucumber
peppers
greens
onions
eggplant
potatoes
sweet potatoes

COLD CASE
rice milk
sliced cheese
eggs
mochi
lunch meat

PANTRY
can chickpeas
can artichoke hearts
almonds
sunflower seeds
applesauce
maple syrup
hummus
bread
box soup
wraps
falafel chips
quinoa
cookes
lentils
tempe
tofu

This will be the list that I'll use each week during the challenge. I'll post the receipt, and take photos of the goods as the week goes by!

brainstorming

2011-11-23T12:27:00.008-05:00

Here's a list I've created of some typical meals that will eventually make up my menu for the week.

Skater Girl and I always eat breakfast, usually nothing fancy - cold cereal, nut butter toast for me, and some fruit. Oak Man does not like to eat until lunchtime. I wish that he would, but what are you going to do?

I also always pack lunch for SG and I. She is not a vegetarian, so her lunch usually includes a turkey and cheese or ham and cheese sandwich (she hates peanut butter!), and some fruits or veggies. Often I'll just eat leftovers from dinner the night before, or soup and a salad. SG always likes to have a little something fun in there for sharing or trading with friends. I know that fruit snacks are a high commodity, but I try to stay away from them if I can! Lately she's just been taking a piece of leftover Halloween candy.

Breakfast:

* Granola

* Yogurt

* Rice milk

* Fruit (mostly apples and bananas)

* Toast with nut butter

* Vegan muffins

Lunch:

* Box soup

* Hummus and veg

* Chickpea salad

* Sandwiches for N. (usually turkey and cheese)

* Falafel chips & pirates booty

* Wraps

* Salad greens

Dinner:

* Veggie and tofu stir fry w/ rice

* Lentil soup w/ biscuits

* Fried potatoes, kale and fried egg

* Roasted eggplant and tempe

* Roast squash and veggies w/ quinoa

Treats

* Mochi

* Newman o’s

* Dark chocolate

Supermarket Showdown: Part 1 of a series

2011-11-21T12:54:00.007-05:00

Recently, our lovely fair city received a much anticipated gift

A Trader Joe's

I'd only been to Trader Joe's once ages ago at a tiny one in Boston. But I'd heard so much buzz for so many months - that I was just dying of curiosity. Well, I wasn't disappointed, I must say - what a fun store. However, as I was wandering the isles, I began to wonder two things. One, is TJ's actually cheaper, or are their products just smaller? Everything seems so cute in there, which is of course part of it's appeal. The second thing I wondered was whether it would be cheaper than our awesome local market. We are fortunate to have a local grocery chain that tries very hard to stock local goods and plenty of healthy alternatives. The one disappointment with shopping at Trader Joe's would be having to give up so many great local things.

Let me state for the record, I am a one-stop shopping kind of gal. I do not have the time or patience to go to three different stores to stock up on groceries! I shop about once a week currently, and I spend between 75-150 dollars depending on what we need. (for example, if I'm out of maple syrup, laundry detergent and coffee, groceries will be more expensive that week!)

Also, our grocery stores can't sell wine, which cuts down a bit on the money spent. :)

All of this pondering got me thinking of a fun blog project. So for the first three weeks of December I am going to engage in the supermarket showdown! This is what it will involve:

1. I will create a menu of five days worth of meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner)

2. Using this menu, I will then create a grocery list.

3. Each week, I'll go to a different grocery store, and buy the same list. The stores in question are
Trader Joe's
Whole Foods
Valu Market

4. The point of this will be to compare the stores. I will be looking at three different variables:
* price, of course
* the amount of local goods
* the quality of the goods (ie, organic or tastiness)

I'm pretty excited to take this challenge! Granted, it means that I and my family will be eating the same meals three weeks in a row, but I bet I'll be the only one who notices. This challenge will start next week. (after thanksgiving) The menu will consist of yummy vegetarian recipes that I'll share with everyone soon.

Handmade holidays

2011-11-17T14:38:00.004-05:00

Tis' the season to start firing up those sewing machines and breaking out the knitting needles! Crafting gifts for friends is my favorite kind of crafting. I've started a list of things, and I'm brainstorming new fun ideas everyday. Here's some cute and super- easy ornament ideas to get started.

{tiny wreaths via Christopher and Tia}

{glass balls filled with nature via The Inspired room}

{fabric scrap balls via Zakka Life}

Every year I swear that I won't go crazy with the crafting, but every year I end up with a list the size of my arm. This year, I'm starting early and I'm doing it right. I plan to be organized!! (ha ha)

starting fresh

2011-11-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

The holidays aren't even upon us and I already feel like I need to detox! Too much candy and sweets around the house. And too much salt. And not enough water.

{except that I'm plotting a pumpkin spice latte in the morning - made in my kitchen and vegan, but still}

Today started out pretty good. I had oatmeal with apples and walnuts for breakfast. Then some instant miso soup and peanut butter pretzels for lunch (too much salt!) Then I was thirsty for about three hours, since I had forgotten my water bottle and there are no cups at work. I just can't buy water from a vending machine - it offends my sensibilities. And then it was strait downhill, when the oak man called to ask if he could just pick up some Penn Station subs. He had a "hankerin'". Well, those fries are my downfall. Oh well, it was a mostly good day. I'm going to just ignore the call of the Halloween candy. (fingers in ears - lalalalalala)

Great news - we close on the house in two days!! The wait is almost over. And then...let the renovations begin! Hoping to post some great before and after shots very soon!

Also great news - only four more weeks left in the semester!

2011-10-27T12:20:00.002-04:00

I want to have these at the party I throw when I finally get my PhD!

house update

2011-10-24T12:15:00.004-04:00

Good news, our living situation is beginning to improve finally. We have officially moved into the new place. There are some minor snags like we don't have heat, and many of our things are still in storage, and we don't technically own the house yet. But things are moving along. I'm wearing a sweater today that I haven't seen in many months, and we ate pomegranate salad and baked mac n' cheese for dinner last night! This morning, as SG and I left the house, pink sunrise streaming over our new massive yard I was so thrilled. So many projects and fun things to think about. Our new property is one acre, with a "big house" and a "little house". The little house we will be renting out as soon as we get it fixed up. That shouldn't take too long, because thankfully we'll just be hiring folks to do it. The nice thing is that the rent will offset the cost of the mortgage and repairs to the big house considerably. As soon as we close on the whole deal, we will get started on that. For the fall and winter, our big goals are to get a wood stove, paint the interior of our house, and to haul away a lot of junk and trees from the yard. That way in the spring we'll have a big open space for creating a hardscape and beds. I'm so excited for that. But winter will be mostly about getting settled into the house. Staying cozy. And having lots of people over! Our old place was so tiny, to have more than six people was quite a crowd. But this new house has so much space. Can't wait to share it!

just for some blog fodder and a photo, I made a delicious massaged kale salad the other night. Trying to get caught up on my veggies!!

Photo from 101 cookbooks

simple massaged kale salad
kale, chopped and de-stemmed
olive oil
sea salt

Massage the kale with the salt an olive oil. This helps break the kale down a bit and wilt it, so it's not so hard to eat.
*bonus - it's great for the skin on your hands! salt exfoliates, and oil moisturizes

then you can add what you like. I like mine guacamole inspired so I add some diced avocado, lime juice, red onion and red pepper flakes. But there are so many options. Here's an awesome post on kale salads.
fully loaded kale salad

I am going to eat some variation of this everyday. Kale is so good for you, and it feels so great to eat fresh raw foods after those weeks of eating out all the time!

Raising an atheist

2011-10-13T12:50:00.004-04:00

I just read this article about a precocious 8-year-old atheist. I must admit, I found it slightly disturbing.

Before I go on, let me state for the record that I am a non-believer, but I also don't "believe" in atheism. Sometimes I even feel that atheists are just as dogmatic in their beliefs as non-atheists. My husband is slightly more antagonistic to organized religion than I am, but he also had it forced on him as a child quite a bit more than I did. We are trying to raise our daughter (who is also eight) to be a "freethinker". Of course, if she chooses to believe in god (or anything else for that matter), that is her business. I have said such things as I think belief in god is basically the same as believing in fairies, and it's fine to believe in those sorts of things, but I don't.

The fact is, I worry that because she respects my opinion and looks up to me, that she will choose to be a non-believer for those reasons, rather than coming to that conclusion on her own.

I even worry sometimes that religion provides a moral compass that I might not be able to provide on my own.

What I found disturbing about this article though was that it did not seem to me that this child was a freethinker at all. The parent in the article did not sound like she shared the above concerns about her own relationship with her daughter. The child in qustion seemed like a little adult, perfectly groomed to be exactly what her parents want her to be. I find this sort of thing every bit as distasteful as children who are doggedly christian and damning people to hell.

The books recommended to this child were not age appropriate, or even that great, in my opinion. He did not suggest a single female author, they were all mired in the great male classics canon. Not only that, but I can't imagine what any of them have to do with cultivating critical thinking in a young child. Especially a young girl growing up in the 21st century.

I am of the opinion that children should be children, and for the most part they should be left alone by "well-meaning" adults. They should read things that are written for them, written with the intended audience in mind. And when they are not reading, they should be outside getting dirty. Eight-year-olds should be running in wild packs with other children, learning physics and biology through their adventures in nature. Pardon my saying so, but the little girl in this article doesn't sound like she'd have much in common with kids her age. And all the books in the world are not going to help her with that problem.

currently cannot live without this song

2011-10-11T15:37:00.003-04:00

Wandering

2011-10-09T16:29:00.002-04:00

Things have not been going so great lately. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice to say we are homeless, and have been for about two weeks. My little family has been staying in various different hotels. We've been living out of suitcases and random bags of groceries. Living through car line at school with all of my worldly possessions spilling out of my car. Trying to keep up with work and school while maybe not knowing where I'm going to sleep or what we're going eat that night.

I have much sympathy for those who are actually homeless, and feel very lucky that we can even afford to stay in a (albeit, quite cheap) motel. But seriously folks, this is getting old.

I'm really missing:
1. having a kitchen
2. having a yoga space
3. having privacy
4. not wearing the same clothes day after day
5. having a washing machine
6. fresh veggies
7. being able to get away from the television
8. being able to get away from...my family!!

I really don't like lights out at 9pm either.

And of course skater girl has two days off school next week just to add insult to injury.

Hopefully we will get some word this week about the whole situation, and our living arrangements will improve. I had the opportunity to visit our new house the other day, to let in some workmen. I was reminded of why I love this place, and I can't wait to get in there!

One thing this whole process has done for me is I feel that I'm taking a lot less for granted than I was before. I can appreciate the little, simple things in life again. Little things like dishes. Braised greens. Closets. Yards. Desks. Space. Routine.

i need a hug

2011-09-26T13:43:00.001-04:00

Saying goodbye...

2011-09-22T22:41:00.003-04:00

We've had a good run of it in this little house. It never had enough light or space, but it had the best neighbors, and great character. We lived there for five years, longer than I've ever lived anywhere since I moved out of my parents' house at 17. As I looked around it's empty rooms today I took a deep breath and steadied myself to handle what's to come. I'm excited for the next step, but it's an unknown - which is always a little frightening. There will be more details soon as we become more settled. But for today I'm just bidding a fond farewell to our sweet little home, our cool little artist's neighborhood, our friends with whom we have shared so much. I will miss them more than the house. Thanks so much for all the great memories!

Teaching who?

2011-08-27T08:44:00.005-04:00

So there's been a lot of talk lately about this generation that we are teaching. They are "digital natives", "generation next", the "millenials". I get that, these students have generally always had the internet around to use, and that may have a significant impact on the way that they see the world. I see that as a generally positive thing. It's not like I don't still see students who struggle to use a computer or don't have access to one at home though. But now the expectation is that we will use technology extensively in class. I myself came from the much maligned generation X. I remember when computers first were becoming popular. I have a slightly unique memory of this simply because my dad was a programmer back when programmers first appeared on the scene. So we always had some sort of computer from the clunky to the sleek, for as far back as I can remember. My dad even taught us simple programming languages as kids. I wish that I had paid more attention to that, since it's now becoming clear that someday programming may be a skill with possibly as much importance as reading. (yes, I actually do mean that)

Anyway, my point was that although I may have a fairly sophisticated appreciation for technology, I consider myself a lucky member of the generation to have seen its explosion. From vinyl to tapes to cds to digital. From floppy disks to cds to flash drives to the cloud. I grew up with the changes in technology, and as they changed so did I. So when these folks who are maybe even just a decade older than me - maybe more, seem flummoxed by how to approach this digital native generation, I don't feel quite as intimidated. Although it took some time, I've successfully moved from taking notes with a pencil and paper to typing and I read articles on the computer. I use the internet as a reference material more often than books, and I don't feel the need to go to the library as much as I used to. There was a time I honestly thought that none of these would ever happen. I couldn't imagine trading in my legal pad for an ipad. But I can now. And I think that flexibility is what separates my generation from both previous and forthcoming generations.

So all that said, I'm excited to explore the use of different technologies for teaching my students. BUT, I'm also going to strictly adhere to the idea of pedagogy first, then find the technology that fits. Jamming as much technology into a class as possible isn't going to be fun or useful for any of the parties involved.

School again, but different this time

2011-08-10T18:10:00.002-04:00

So I attended a new faculty orientation today and was bombarded by information. I also attended a college retreat last week and was bombarded with emotion and had a meeting with HR to get bombarded with paperwork. I'm super excited about my new job. I do so wish that I was done with my dissertation so I could really throw all my energy into the new job. But that's life, it's not always perfect. I will absolutely see it through though, no question. Mark my words, I will finish.

I do have sort of a question to put out there. Is tenure worth it? Today they gave us the low-down of job promotions with the campus. You know, instructor, then the AP's I always get them mixed up, then full prof. So, if you're a full-time "regular"contract (like me) you get put up for each of these promotions. If you want, you can request that your position go to tenure-track. But then if you don't get tenure, you're out on your rear. On the other hand, with a yearly renewed contract you never have security. Hmmm... it's not anything I have to really consider just yet, but it is sort of food for thought. Just to err on the side of caution I plan to behave as though I were tenure track anyway.

Tomorrow I get to bring a few things over to my new office, and figure out some more stuff with my responsibilities. I plan to spend the whole weekend working on my syllabus and figuring out what my weeks are going to look like. I actually reached my goal of testing 25 kids this summer, which is totally awesome, but I'm still not sure how I'm going to test 25 adults. Anyway, I just logged on to my new faculty account at the college and could see the enrollment for my classes. Very exciting! real people!

Summer recap

2011-08-07T18:41:00.007-04:00

What have we been up to this summer? Well,

First, we derby'd

{mint julep cupcakes and fancy hats!}

{placing the big bets}

We maybe drank too much...

We built stuff

{school garden}

{and our garden}

We read a lot

We played

We gardened some

We swam some, but I could have used more swimming!

{Looooove our pool}

And all around really enjoyed our summer. I'm sad to see it go! Cooler temps will definitely be welcome though.

momentum

2011-07-25T23:14:00.005-04:00

I feel like I've really been neglecting the old blog lately. But really, I have reason. Here's what's happening right now...

Thing one: I've accepted a job. A teaching job. Which means I'll be starting work in a couple of weeks. What that means even more specifically is that I have to design two classes (four sections) in the next two weeks. I'm excited but nervous about that. I have lots of ideas, but as usual it's the practical stuff that's freaking me out. Textbooks, assignments, how do I make tests? when do I find out where I'm going or who my students are? etc.. I have to say though, I'm so excited to join the ranks of the employed.

Thing two: we are selling our house and moving to a new house. Specifically what that means right now is that we are packing and cleaning like crazy to get our little house to the point where it looks like someone lives in it, but not too much. Very minimalist. Very clean. Not much fun. Thankfully we hired some folks to come clean today, which was quite a treat. Everything smells really nice. So hopefully someone will come along in the next few weeks and want to live here. Then we can go live in our new house. That house is a post for another day. I'm still trying not to get too excited about it in case things just don't work out.

Thing three: my dissertation. Oh yeah, remember that? Well I'm deep into data collection right now. Specifically what that means is that I'm scrambling to get 25 kids tested (each test takes about 4-5 hours) before school starts, in a couple of weeks. After that I have to some how figure out how I'm going to then test 25 adults, while I'm teaching at a campus on the other side of town. Not thinking about analyses yet. One day at a time people.

And that's it for now, but it is truly one day at a time for me right now. Here's some tomatoes and parsley I picked from the garden this week.

I'm trying so hard right now to find joy in the little things, to cut myself some slack when I need and kick my ass when I need it. Balance. I am allowing myself wine without guilt. Forgiving myself for making my yoga mat lonely. Trying to hug my daughter and be there for her because she is stressed out too.

Look, here's a picture of the mama deer and her twins that we saw everyday at Harbin. We're not supposed to take any pictures there, but I really couldn't resist. We were packing up the car to leave, it was 6am and there was no one around. I'm glad I snapped it when I had the chance.

And that's the moral today - do it now. It's better than just waiting around to die. I feel like as long as I can keep my momentum going I can get through this!

Summer days, summer nights

2011-07-10T18:35:00.004-04:00

It's full on summer, which means that I'm not spending a lot of time on the computer. (or at least not when I'm not working!) So our days are filled with lots of happy plants, sunshine, fresh fruits, swimming, hanging out with friends, crisp wine, tans... ahhhhhh. It's awesome. We also went on vacation at this lovely place.

The oak man and I went alone, for our very first adult vacation. It was wonderful, I can't wait to do it again. Everyday would start with a yoga class in this lovely place,

{View of the inside}

Then the hardest decision after that was smoothie or soak? should I put on more sunscreen or go get a massage? It was delightful, by the end of the week I felt like all the tension from grad school was gone, I was brown from head to toe, my stomach was working properly again, my husband and I reconnected in a way we hadn't in years, and I. felt. good.

It's carried over some. We've decided that we are going to keep up the happy and healthy life by doing less on the weekends, making a sweet yoga room in the basement, eating well+drinking less and just making more time to relax. I'm also trying to attend to my spiritual side a bit. I think that I've been neglecting it. I realized as much when my cynicism that I wear for armor here at home, came across as uptight and mean there. I've kind of lost my sense of wonder, my ability to give hugs, my enjoyment of nature, so many things. Anyway, no big changes, just going to try to lead a more open-hearted existence. Just going to try to connect with the positive energy I can find. Going to try to cultivate beauty and live with grace. Going to try to smile more. Here's a nice poster I found that about sums it up.

{From HarperGrace on etsy}

yoga workshop

2011-06-06T19:56:00.004-04:00

On Saturday I had the great pleasure of taking a workshop from super yogini kino macgregor. It was just incredible. She is a human sunbeam. Her words and demeanor were every bit as stunning as her postures. The workshop I attended was called "strength, yes you can!" She began with a long discussion of the importance of the release of samskaras during practice. I do so wish that I had recorded or taken notes, but I've never attended a workshop before, and didn't realize there would be so much great talking. She was giving classes all weekend, but alas, my budget can afford only so much yoga. I wish that I could have attended more, but what little I got was truly inspirational. Well, it was a three hour session, so I was pretty darn tired and sore the next day!

Since the whole workshop was about strength and overcoming weakness, the talk that she gave at the beginning dealt first with overcoming weakness in the mind. She told us that our mind will give up before our body will, and we should always try to hold our for a moment more than our mind thinks we can. 1% improvement is all we should strive for each day. Just 1%. She described how many of the thoughts that hold us back revolve around unchangeable things such as our age, or our shape. But what we must focus on is things we can change, and recognize that our excuses only come from fear.

She also spoke quite eloquently on the fact that the yoga asanas are a wonderful place to deal with our fears. That we can think of our time on the mat as a laboratory to work with these fears and weaknesses, and they will resonate throughout our lives. How true. I was struck last night as I was reading a book, Poser: my Life in 23 yoga poses, when she said that she thought that taking yoga would make her the person she wanted to be (thin, cool, calm), but that yoga only seemed to show her what a mess she was. It made her face herself. I have found this to be true again and again.

So, happily I turned to my mat this week to work out all of my nonsense. "Another helping of yoga please" is what I am saying to myself these days.

Here's a nice little clip of her talking about overcoming difficulty

Vegan in the Morning

2011-06-03T08:26:00.004-04:00

For breakfast, tofu puttanesca from Vegan Brunch. You can get the recipe on her website (sorry, the link's not working, just google Post Punk Kitchen and you should find it). Yummy yummy yummy! And super easy, this took literally no planning. The asparagus was what I had in the fridge and I subbed a spoonful of tomato paste since I didn't have any fresh tomatoes. Next time I need some chewy bread and home fries and it will be divine!

Making vegan banana chocolate chip muffins this AM. The recipe can be found in the book Get It Ripe. Her baked goods are fantastic. And again, easy-peasy. The only tricky thing with this recipe is finding the vegan chocolate chips. The best part about vegan baking? Getting to lick the spoon!

Friday Book Review: Cookbook Edition!

2011-05-28T16:56:00.004-04:00

{yes, it's saturday, but I'm just trying to stay consistent with my tags}

Today's book is...

Appetite For Reduction

I must say, I'm always partial to cookbooks with lots of pictures. This one has a handful in the middle of the book, but other than that it's all text and imagination. So, at first I was not so sure. But the text of this book just sort of ends up seducing you. I especially love Moskowitz's titles; I don't know how she comes up with such great names for things! How about a "caulipot"? Or some "hottie black eyed peas and greens"? I love the sound of "Bhutanese pineapple rice", or a "Goddess Nicoise salad". For me, part of the appeal about the words that she uses is that they make being vegan less dry and more fun. Who wants spaghetti and meatballs when you can have spaghetti and beanballs? And doesn't Mac and Trees sound like fun? Finally, there's all sorts of funny tidbits sprinkled throughout, like how baked tofu is the black hoodie of the food world, or how all vegans have a pleather costanza wallet.

Funny words aside, this is also a great book because it breaks down some basics for you. There's a whole chapter on Tofu. Which is actually something I was telling myself the other day; that if I were to write a cookbook I'd do just that. There's just so many ways to prepare it, it's nice to have them all in one place. And as usual her books rely very little on premade vegan stuff and focuses on good whole foods. And can I just say that there is 125 recipes in this book? It is just chock full of comfort foods and delicious sounding recipes. But I have to admit, I haven't made anything yet, because I've been reading it like it was a novel.

So, all in all I must say, another winner from Isa Moskawitz! I also have to reccomend her book vegan brunch. I actually have never even looked at veganomicon (the book she's probably most famous for) but it's on my list for sure.

Dairy free for me

2011-05-27T09:26:00.003-04:00

So I've always been slightly lactose intolerant. I can remember nightly battles as a kid with my mom because I really didn't want to drink the giant glass of milk that always came with dinner. It gave me a stomach-ache. But my mom like so many moms felt that it kept us free from broken bones and that we would crumble into dust without it. Well, when I moved out I quit drinking it all together. I would still have yogurt and ice cream, but no milk. And after awhile, drinking milk really made me sick. If you didn't know, lactose intolerance is the normal state of most humans on the planet. It simply means that you lack the enzyme required to digest it. Most babies stop producing this enzyme after they wean. And in cultures where dairy is not prevalent, they don't need it. In north america and other northern countries (think Sweden and Norway) dairy is a big part of the diet, so we've adapted to keeping this enzyme around even after we're no longer consuming human milk. It can go away though if you stop eating dairy. I'm pretty sure that now after being vegan for almost a month, I am loosing my tolerance rapidly. Last night I had a pretty bad stomach-ache, and woke up this morning with some real digestive upset. I'll spare you the details, but I was really wondering what I could have eaten to make me feel so poor. Then it hit me, we had taken skater girl out for frozen yogurt. I didn't really think about it until I had already ordered mine, but then I figured I've have a little "cheat". Well, guess I won't be doing that again.

I understand there's a lot of people who think that vegan is vegan and even if you eat a tiny bit of animal products then you are not vegan. Fine, whatever floats your boat. I'm more in line with Kathy Freston, who has the idea of "leaning in" to veganism. Gradually adding in more plants and taking out more animal products, until you're totally there. It's been working for me so far. Although I had no problem dropping the meat cold turkey (ahem). I think it's just easier, because meat doesn't sneak it's way into everything. When I'm at home going full out vegan is easy, but a few times now I've been at a restaurant and there's literally nothing on the menu that's vegan. I'm getting more used to asking to leave the cheese off of things though. I just have to remember.

In other news, we are dog sitting this weekend, her name is Maggie and she is a cute handful!

Here's one of her with our pooch, so cute!

And here she is being bad on the couch and looking sad (I think she misses her mama), I am totally being a pushover and letting her on the couch because of said expression. Awwwwww...

Vegan Blog Love

2011-05-18T23:31:00.005-04:00

I've been back on the vegan wagon for a little while now. I find that it helps to read vegan blogs in order to get inspired to try some new recipes, and to just feel that reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and on the right track. I thought I'd share a couple that I read regularly and really like. Unfortunately for me, although fortunately for them, so many of my favorite bloggers end up getting book deals and neglecting their blogs. This happens consistently, and I'm always so happy for them but bummed that there's not much reading to be had. The good thing is that all of these blogs have been around for awhile so there's plenty of archives to read.

My newest favorite is Choosing Raw. This is a very informative blog when it comes to nutrition. Her recipes are simple and yummy. Thanks to Gena I've started making Chia pudding for breakfast, and it's quite tasty!

Second in line would be Vegan Hope, but for very different reasons. This is the blog to read if you want to be really informed, or feel unsure if going vegan is for you. It's word heavy and has no recipes, but she's a very talented writer and a very inspirational person.

Next up are three fun blogs. Post punk kitchen is the blog of awesome vegan cookbook author Isa Chandra Moskowitz. She just makes you want to be vegan because she's so dang cool. Her cookbooks hands down are the best, everything is super yummy. And also because I hate recipes that are just regular recipes substituted with vegan processed crap (think vegan cream cheese, yuck), her recipes are the real thing. I also love it ain't meat babe like the name it's just cute and clever. A fun read. Finally, for the kiddos is vegan lunch box. Just a blog about packing some dynamite vegan lunches. Really gets your creative juices flowing.

That wraps it up for now, what's your favorites? How do you get inspired when you are faced with less than ideal choices?

My Happy Place

2011-05-17T09:56:00.003-04:00

Here's a photo of my room looking all pretty and peaceful in the sunshine. Seems like I've been spending a lot of time there lately. I wish that we were seeing that sun more often. This has just been a very hard spring. In April we had a record 14 inches of rain. Unfortunately May is not turning out much different. Not sure why I think that the calendar would matter to mother nature, but you know the saying - April Showers bring May flowers. It's more like April floods bring May bugs. Or April cold brings May mold. Something like that.

It's been almost two weeks since I've been to a yoga class too. There's a full moon class tonight that I might go to just to ease myself back into the practice. I've just been too darn sick to even think about it. I'm going to have a lot of making up to do! There's an inversion workshop this weekend too that I'd love to attend. We'll just have to see how things go. The way my sinuses are acting right now the idea of being upside-down is not very appealing.

Meanwhile, the Oak Man is becoming quite the yogi! He's been going about four days a week, pretty darn consistently. He's going to surpass me pretty soon. Argh.

Some really cool news though, is that in two weeks I get to take a workshop with Kino MacGregor! So excited about that.

2011-05-13T14:38:00.003-04:00

I've been pretty under the weather this past week. So today, I decided to work at home and for lunch I made a pot of easy lentil soup. I'm hoping that the garlic and warm broth will help me start feeling more like myself again. I'm not sure if it's related to allergies. It seems like I feel much worse when I go outside, so it's pretty likely. But if it is, it's by far the worst bout I've had. Last night I was almost in tears from how bad my head was aching.

At any rate, not that I decided to come back to blogging just to complain about how badly I feel.

I miss my little blog. I just miss rambling and posting pretty pictures. So I guess that is the purpose that it serves. Anyway, things are going well in dissertation-land. I feel like I've been pretty productive, and my new adviser is better than I could have imagined. Although my bar is set quite low from working with my old adviser. I'm just delighted that he answers my emails, schedules appointments in a timely manner, is around the lab to answer questions, and has actually defended my situation to the chair of the department. So yes, actually things are looking up. Aside from the little annoying things that my old adviser keeps popping in to do (e.g. erasing files off the lab computer that I was using, moving the database and not telling anyone, refusing to renew our IRB protocol or assigning someone else as the new PI etc...) things are running fairly smoothly right now. I still have yet to get my proposal approved but new adviser seems to think that will be no biggie. So I have approximately 2-3 weeks to finish writing my proposal and preparing a defense. Then hopefully all will be smooth sailing for the next few months. My funding runs out in Sept, and I'm not sure yet what I'll be doing about that, but I'll figure it out.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a recipe

Easy Vegan Lentil Soup

chop up a few carrots and half an onion
saute in a pot with a tablespoon of olive oil until they are soft and just turning a little brown around the edges (about 8-10 min)
add two diced garlic cloves, saute for a minute
add a quart of vegetable broth, bring to a slow boil
add a cup of lentils, two bay leaves and some thyme (I used fresh, about a tablespoon)
cover and turn down to low, let simmer for about 45 minutes

You could also add celery or other veggies, I was just not in the mood to chop much.
**Be sure to take the bay leaves out before eating

Enjoy!

Going vegan, again

2011-05-11T23:38:00.000-04:00

Real life sucks. Or, why I'm not good at being an adult.

2011-04-20T13:07:00.006-04:00

Here is part of my reality. I have six weeks to finish my new proposal for my new project. I met with my new committee yesterday and they tentatively approved of my new project (which includes partially gathered data, strictly a no-no usually). So. Here's the other half of my reality right now. I know that if and when I do graduate I don't really have great prospects out there for jobs. And I know that that is my long-term future, not short-term future. The reason for this is because my husband's company is doing exceptionally well. Really, really well in fact. I'm proud of him and his accomplishments. I'm grateful to him for supporting me while I attempt to attain my goals. And I really couldn't ask for a better husband and father to our daughter. So no, I don't feel like I'm under some sexist oppression for not getting to apply to whatever position strikes my fancy in whatever exotic locale I can. (like my fellow grad students who are untethered) I'm actually pretty content with the idea of teaching.

The thing is, I'd feel A LOT better about "just teaching" if I knew that it paid a living wage and came with job security and benefits. I'm not excited about being a financial burden on my family, rather than contributing. Okay. So all of these things are just eating at me, because ultimately what is going to keep me motivated to finish? What is going to make me press on and get through this incredibly grueling process? There are other careers out there that pay a lot more, and could potentially be more rewarding than part-time faculty positions at local colleges. Okay, I admit it, sometimes I do feel a twinge of sadness knowing that I could probably get a cool post-doc somewhere if it weren't for my family situation. But, there's just nothing to be done about that. Sure, people live separately sometimes in these situations, but not with children in the picture.

Anyway, I'm just tired and discouraged and trying not to feel like this is really all for naught. I think that the only way that I'm going to get through this is to literally shelve everything except for the dissertation for the rest of the year. No more volunteering at SG's school, no more taking classes (right now I'm doing a scuba class that I feel totally coerced into and extremely stressed about - thanks hubby!) or attending afternoon coffee dates, starting new hobbies, creating silly projects. I'll keep up the yoga of course, because it keeps me sane. But I'm thinking that I need to start saying no to a lot more things. I need to start taking this shit seriously.

So, this brings me to this blog. For now, I'm just going to put it aside. If I do post, it's going to be school related. I'm going to make a significant effort to NOT do all of the various hobbies that make me happy. Anyway, just for now. It's causing me too much stress, and that's just silly. I have to make my mantra "procrastination just leads to more stress." Surely if I just devote myself to doing the best possible work that I can that something good will come of it?

So, as a little letter to whoever reads this blog - not sure who you are, some come here by way of yoga, some for crafts, others are friends and family... I just want to say thanks for reading, and I look forward to entertaining you with toy-making and cooking and gardening again someday, but as of right now it's just healthier for me to focus. Admittedly, not fun but that's my reality.

Steam in my kitchen

2011-04-11T17:45:00.004-04:00

"Talk doesn't cook rice"
- Chinese Proverb

So in my quest to find a good recipe for cooking rice I happened upon this handy chart for cooking all sorts of rice. Tonight I'm making brown basmati rice with Adzuki beans. I'll probably steam some veggies too.

It's interesting, there are all sorts of opinions out there about how to cook the perfect pot of brown rice. Apparently, you are supposed to soak it for a couple of hours first. I'll try that tomorrow, I'll have to remember to start the soak as soon as I get home from work. And I guess in macrobiotic cooking they generally have a rule to use different cooking methods for different seasons. I'm glad it's spring, because I use the heavy pot method, and I'm not about to buy a pressure cooker for cooking rice. Although, this post about using a Le Crueset pot is making me want to buy one. I've only been lusting after these pots for about 4 years. It's a shame that I didn't think to ask for one as a wedding gift! Sometimes you can find them at TJ Maxx or Tuesday Morning, I might have to go a hunting.

I also made a big batch of yummy granola (you can see my rice pot in the background). The granola recipe can be found here, and it's the best one I've made so far. It's got a little bit of sugar, but shhhh, don't tell. Oh, my house smells delicious! And it's all so warming on a cold and rainy afternoon.

Rice is our friend

2011-04-10T15:59:00.003-04:00

I'm back! Took a bit of a hiatus while I was getting some thoughts together.

For the past two weeks I've done yoga everyday. It has been wonderful. I'm not sure exactly what changed, but it has something to do with why I started doing ashtanga in the first place. I'll be honest, I started out doing ashtanga because I was hoping to get in shape, and I liked the aspect of pushing myself and "earning" new poses. However, I think my practice had begun to lag a bit in the past few months because I stopped caring so much about those things. I'm still interested in getting fit, but I've realized that there is just something deeper to having a daily practice. I took a break from ashtanga and went to some other yoga classes. I met some other teachers who laugh and joke during class, use the class to explore new concepts, and reconnected with why I love yoga so much in the first place. And suddenly I was up at 6 am everyday with a renewed conviction to ashtanga! To me, yoga is a lot more than exercise. And I think if you treat it as only that you may end up getting bored, or tired of it, or even disappointed since it's probably not going to give you some killer body. Yes, your body will feel good, but even more important than that, you will feel good in your own body. You will feel good about your body. I think that I'm going to try to continue to incorporate other classes into my schedule. I've been enjoying going to class with my husband every once in awhile too. And I really want to learn more about this Rocket Yoga business, I'm very curious.

So anyway, this morning I was up with the sun, went to a grueling led class, got some crepes and coffee with friends and went to the park. This afternoon, I got to the grocery store to get loaded up on super healthy foods again. A lovely Sunday!

{Part two: in which I come up with a blog project}

I've been inspired lately by the macrobiotic diet. Although I think that to do it full on would be too restrictive for me, I have decided to try to remove dairy and refined sugars entirely from my diet. Sugar is going to be very challenging, but I think that it's just really terrible for me. I get candida at the drop of a hat, and I'm pretty sure that excess sugar makes me break out. I'll probably still be eating some dark chocolate now and then, but come on, let's be serious here people. I'll also be eating less meat, but not removing it completely, since I just can't seem to go full-on meatless without getting anemic. But anyway, as a celebration of macrobiotics I'll be trying out a new grain each week. Although mostly for my own learning, I'll post recipes and pictures and talk about how to prepare it.

So this week? Brown rice. I know, this is not the least bit interesting. But I've got to start somewhere, and I've gotten out of the habit of making grains. So brown rice it is! Look forward to posts this week about this amazing grain!

Notes from the mat

2011-03-23T08:52:00.005-04:00

I tend to like it when lessons from yoga can spill over into my "real" life. This happened yesterday while reading Bringing Yoga to Life, a book that I check out from the library so much that I finally decided to order my own used copy to have. (which by the way, if you haven't checked out Thriftbooks, you must! Love love love.) But anyway, back to what I was saying. I was reading the chapter about your "inner teacher" and had a wonderful insight.

Be the teacher that you want to have.
Would you show up late for class or not at all if you were the instructor? Would you berate your students and insult them if they were not living up to your expectations? Treat yourself as you would expect your teacher to treat you. This is especially important in a home practice. You must almost act as though you have an appointment with a very special student (you).

Well, I must say this lesson was a real eye opener for me. First of all, I am not all that nice to myself in my own head. Clearly that's less than productive. But this lesson was particularly interesting to me as I had just finished a workshop about writing a teaching philosophy. This workshop was for my philosophy as a professor, not a yoga teacher. Nonetheless, all of the things that I find crucial to being an excellent teacher; being a good mentor, enthusiasm for one's subject, expertise, high standards, encouraging critical thinking and independent problem solving - all of these are traits that I can also encourage in myself. I can use this philosophy that I am creating outside of the classroom. Whether it is on my mat, or at my desk. I can treat myself as I would treat my students. I would never want to have an abusive teacher, so why would I be abusive to myself? And by applying this philosophy to myself and my own learning as a student, then I will even more fully begin to embody those traits as a teacher.

This student/teacher dualism is something that I've started to see as a crucial component of higher education. In order to be a great teacher, you must continue to learn. This is also true for a yoga practice. Although, I had never envisioned myself as my own teacher in my yoga practice, I now see that I can be.

Friday Book Review: Stretch

2011-03-18T14:04:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I woke up feeling strangely motivated. I decided that it would be a great morning to make my own granola and wake the house to the delicious smells wafting out of the kitchen. Unfortunately, I burnt the granola, and my daughter woke up with a stomach bug. I promptly dropped the motivation act and opted instead to curl up on the couch with my sick child and read from cover to cover the book that I'd given my husband for his birthday.

This book is quite funny, let me just start by saying that. Pollack tempers every profound thing he says with enough cynicism and bathroom humor to make it tolerable. He's sweetly earnest, but really doesn't want you to know that. Through this book he churns through every type of yoga imaginable. Ashtanga, kundalini, anusara, hatha, bikram - even jivamukti gets a hilarious mention. All he takes with his trademark simultaneously self-deprecating and superior attitude - along with a lot of weed. And the nice thing is that he's jewish, so this is not some macho man-take on yoga either. There's nary a mention of all the hot yoga butts he must have been enjoying along the way.

He starts close to home in the beginning, and then makes larger and larger circles, first around the country, finally culminating the fun yoga ride with a two-week retreat in Thailand. I can't imagine reading anyone else going through this incredible journey and not wanting to roll my eyes or toss the book in the trash. I mean yoga retreats signify to me the privilege of a select few. They must be rich, have a lot of time on their hands, and feel self-important enough to justify spending thousands of dollars on themselves doing something that most likely you can do at home. He admits all of this and more, does it anyway - and proceeds to spend half of the retreat in the hotel pool, gets the guru drunk, and manages to extract some really profound truths along the way. So enjoyable. I think that too many yoga folks take themselves too seriously to enjoy this book - but if you are not one of them, and can enjoy an interpretation of the sutras by a guy who can also devote several pages to farting in class, then you will love this book. I sure did.

Robot Badges!

2011-03-13T12:28:00.001-04:00

New Growth

2011-03-06T23:24:00.005-05:00

{painting by Donna Hay}

It's that time of year again folks! Each day brings a new exciting pop of color outside. First we spotted some flowering maples, the next day were crocuses shouldering their way past the dead leaves, followed by a peek-a-boo of sedum sprouting between dead stalks, then yesterday I noticed the butterfly bushes were leafing out. It's all so exciting... I love spring! And it's so inspiring too. New Beginnings. A time to recharge and get ready for new challenges. I think that I will incorporate all of this upward growth into my daily life. I will use it to find the strength to start anew on a fresh project, with a new adviser. It will bring me a good perspective, and it will all turn out okay.

I feel like taking a deep breath and jumping back into everything, now that skater girl's birthday went well, and our nightmare of gymnast's parent hell is over. Now there is nothing to do except sow seeds and look forward to saturday mornings at the farmer's market. To jump back into morning ashtanga after a short hiatus {meaning: ladies holiday + crash and burn of academic life + daunting parental requirements = no ashtanga for 2 weeks! eep! but, I did manage to get to a hatha class, and a pilates class}

Yes indeed, it's time for a pedicure and a trip down south. Or a bowl of fresh spring greens and a glass of cold prosecco. Art fairs and dog parks! yippee!

Happy Birthday Skater Girl!

2011-03-04T07:48:00.001-05:00

Thrifty Thursday

2011-03-03T11:36:00.003-05:00

Well, actually I ended up going to the thrift store after work yesterday. My plan was to find a cute spring jacket (which I did) but somehow I also ended up coming home with an armful of cute tops too! The patterns and colors were just calling to me, all the sunshine is finally making me want to break out of my gray/brown/black rut of the winter. Here's some shots of the patterny goodness...

Sunshine and... more sunshine?

2011-03-02T08:58:00.003-05:00

Amazingly it is day two of a clear sunny day in the upper 50's. Sometimes I am truly in awe of the effect that the weather has on me. Growing up in the south both made be utterly dependent on the sun, and completely take it for granted. But this fine March morning the birds are chirping, the coffee is hot and I feel an inkling of motivation to do something other than hide under the covers all day.

However, what that something is remains to be seen. Turns out, my adviser is not the person he seemed to be, and things have taken a turn for the much worse. At any rate, it looks like I might be finishing up with someone else. But that has left me empty-handed as far as having a project to complete. So today I am going to be brainstorming alternative projects, one which I don't need his input on, and that I can get done fairly quickly. This should be challenging, but I have a couple of ideas. This entire PhD process has turned into such a nightmare, it will be nothing short of miraculous if I manage to get done.

Some better news is that we are building a new vegetable garden out back. It is a very nice project to be thinking about instead of other unpleasantness. I'm looking forward to starting some seeds indoors soon, and posting pictures of the garden progress. There is really nothing like spring as a tonic for depression.

A little sewing

2011-02-27T15:01:00.005-05:00

Just thought I'd share two recent projects. The first one is a baby I made for my cousin's daughter - so cute! Made using a pattern by bit of whimsy. As a side note, when I was looking over these patterns, I thought to myself that surely I could figure out how to make some of these sweet things myself. But I decided to support a fellow crafter. I feel like it must be a challenging way to make a living, and her work is top notch. I'm glad I did anyway, because it probably saved me a lot of frustration. (I bought two others besides - will be posting those soon...)

The second project was a bag for my manduka mat. I received the mat as a gift from my sweet hubby, partly because he wanted me to get a really nice mat, and partly because he was going to start using mine a lot. (and as much as I love my husband, I refuse to share a mat with him!) Anyway, I really needed something much more roomy than the bag I made awhile back. I also wanted it to open along the side since sometimes I don't feel like rolling it as tightly as possible. So I ended up with this bag, which has been working splendidly.

One final note, these were two stash-busting projects - gotta love that! I've noticed that one thing which really helps me to make things using what I have on hand, is to be sure to have a few solid color fabrics lying around. All of those adorable prints are irresistible at the fabric store, but it's the solid ones that allow you to actually pull it all together.

sunshine and yoga

2011-02-16T10:28:00.002-05:00

I will try not to write about the fact that I never feel like I will develop a consistent practice and instead focus on something else. Surely there's more to ashtanga than the requirement to do it everyday? I manage to get there three times a week. I would love to work my way up to more, but it never seems to be in the cards. One day at a time.

Here's some interesting news though, the "Dragon Lady" is now the main teacher during mysore-style in the morning. I'm not sure what's happened but the usual teacher is now coming in when I'm usually leaving (around 7am). Anyway la dragon has a cute southern accent apparently. But she also pushed me down quite severely in the forward bends last week. Thankfully, it didn't hurt but I was a bit surprised by the force! It's been nice, she's much more interactive than our old teacher. I think it's simply a case of being new and eager, as well as the older teacher also owns that studio and two others, teaches all day long and is very serious. I have much respect for her, but she's not much into adjustments. She will say things like, "face touches knee, somehow, someway." She can be funny, "Navasana is our favorite pose, that's why we do it 5 times", or "Marichyasana D, D for doughnuts. As in, if you have too many, you won't be able to do it"

Anyway, the other news is that the Oak Man is now also becoming all yogi'd out. He's been taking hot yoga and really loves it. He even went on a short trip this weekend and brought his mat to do some yoga in the hotel room. So proud! It's been fun to discuss poses with him. The funny thing is that three other guys at their company (tree climbers - uber macho) are all taking yoga too now. It's great! We even took a free"couples yoga" class for v-day. It was a lot of fun. we got to do this!

Is it March yet?

2011-02-09T19:24:00.003-05:00

It's cold. 14 degrees out right now. The kind of cold that hurts. My solution is to curl up under a blanket and read. And hot tea. I'm going to try giving up coffee for green tea (I might still have some coffee on the weekends, I do so love my coffee). Anyway, today wasn't too bad, I felt a littel sleepy, but no headaches. And the sleepiness could have also been induced by a two and a half hour lecture on signal detection theory by a guy with rusty english. Ah well, couch time now. I want to sew but everywhere is colder than under the blanket.

{P.S. The photo above was create using my new favorite website, Picnik.}

I inspired myself

2011-02-04T12:12:00.003-05:00

Doll languishing in progress for a while now...

And finished this little lady last night! One down, two to go. (two toys that is, I have five projects that I want to finish this month: scarf for brother and mother, yoga bag, two toys, and a hat for a friend)

I remember a time when I had a life

2011-02-03T13:58:00.005-05:00

I'm beginning to wonder how I'm ever going to find the time to do what is expected of me, let alone ever have any fun. This blog unfortunately has taken quite the backseat to the mess of other projects that I have going on. On the work front, I've got a paper that we are scrambling to finish to submit for publication. I've got a dissertation proposal that needs to be finished asap. I've got endless reading and programming to do. And I for some crazy reason am taking a class. Plus, I keep signing up for these professional development workshops (today was grantsmanship - it's useful, I'm sure) Anyway, more than enough to keep me busy and humming from morning till night. However, let's see what ELSE I can cram in there? How about an insane amount of mandatory "volunteer" work for my daughter's gymnastics team. I have to come up with things to raffle off during a big competition. If anyone has any ideas, please send them my way, oh, and there's no money to actually buy anything with. Then I'm getting all sorts of email about her school garden and what we plan to do about that. Well, since it's spring and grant deadlines are looming guess who gets to handle that stuff too? And then to just whip it into a frenzy lets just pile on lots of bad weather and sickness and yep - it's February.

yikes.

I really need to delegate, or get out from under some of this crap, but I'm just not sure how exactly. Again, suggestions are more than welcome!

As usual, when I get completely snowed under with work, my thoughts turn to things I can make with my little hands. Things that serve practically no purpose but to bring joy into an otherwise colorless and joyless landscape. Here's one

pattern by itsy bitsy spider

Here's another

pattern by soto softies

And yet one more...

no pattern, but how beautiful is this! By sleepyking

There are March birthdays coming up so I will be spending what precious little time I have cranking out some cute toys. I'd love to make these even though they seem quite daunting. Maybe I should just buy handmade toys...

sunday sewing

2011-01-23T23:29:00.003-05:00

Rather than work on the sweater (which I've decided needs a darning foot if I'm going to do it the way that I want - believe me I really have no idea what that means, I've just decided that I need one) I made a dog bed. Since we've made a no doggies on the couch rule recently I've been getting a lot of forlorn puppy eyes while sitting on the couch. I whipped this up from an old blanket and a couple of extra pillows. Bonus, it has snaps so that I can throw it in the wash if need be! (I used this tutorial as a guide) Forgive the blurry photo but it's very late... all are content though, sigh.

Snow day (again)

2011-01-20T17:11:00.005-05:00

{pops of green making me happy around my kitchen}

It's been a little while since my last post. Thankfully, that is because I've been busy and productive. I've been writing a lot lately, working on my dissertation proposal. I have some help, a person in the university writing center, and it has been really great. I now feel like I have real concrete things to work on and a deadline. Wow, what a difference that makes! I guess that's what other students may have with their advisers who demand work from them and meet with them on a regular basis. I'm lucky if I ever see mine. And I'm lucky if I ever get any sort of edits or feedback too. But that will not stop me - no, I press on with the goal of finishing this year. I want to graduate by December. I am really putting that out there even though saying that terrifies me. But I will do it. Well, I'll TRY to do it.

{I sure do love my little Crosley}

I've gotten back to yoga again too, everyday. I'm not sure how I became motivated in things all of a sudden, but it's great. Maybe by spring I will no longer have a spare tire and saddlebags! And no, I'm not talking about things that I keep in my car. Although I do have junk in my trunk, ha ha. Actually, my car is one aspect of my life that is pathetic at the moment. It's covered in salt and sludge, with a deep layer of trash on the inside. It's really bad people.

At any rate, there's a steady snowfall outside and four inches on the ground so I'm not going anywhere. Sorry car, you will have to wait for another day. Maybe I will work on some sewing projects. I have a new one, I've decided to refashion an ugly old blah cardigan into a cute cardigan. I'm not totally sure how that's going to happen yet, but I think it will involve felt and embroidery. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted.

Some thoughts on winter health...

2011-01-10T17:01:00.006-05:00

{photo from my parents' backyard - they are having a record snowfall for their southern town - so jealous!}

There's a good article here about foods that will help you detox (foods that seems to help liver function in other words). If you don't want to read it, the ten foods they suggest are:
* watercress
* lemon + water
* dark leafy greens
* fresh fruit
* cabbage
* artichokes
* beets
* fresh ginger and garlic
* whole grains
* green tea

I've been trying the whole lemon water in the morning thing, but I could definitely incorporate some of these other things. Watercress, artichokes, cabbage and beets are all things I don't eat. I've also thought about trying to trade out coffee for green tea. Right now I only drink two cups in the AM, but I suppose I could trade out one of those for some green tea. I do so love my coffee. At least I drink it black.

Another thing that I'm thinking about is **winter yoga**. I'm thinking that it would be nice to consider winter to be a time for quiet reflection, time to slow down and practice stability and grounding. In this way I can consider the idea of going to bed early to be a part of my practice, part of what one does in winter. (me being a night person, I have a hard time going to bed early enough to make getting up at 6 pleasant) It appeals to me to think of it as part of a process of appreciating the season. There's a nice article about all of this here. Gotta try that warm oil massage, that sounds really nice to my cold, dry skin right now!

A break from real life

2011-01-07T08:48:00.004-05:00

When I get a little down, what with all the computer programming, low self-esteem and drama of graduate school, I like to fantasize about opening a little coffee shop in our neighborhood. We live in an old neighborhood, most of the buildings are over 100+ years, and many of them have a quaint charm. There's an old chocolate shop around the corner that's for rent, it's been empty since we moved here. It doesn't look so great right now...

but I can imagine turning it back into something sweet. A place where people could gather, and kids could drink hot cocoa. I could have book clubs and knitting groups, poetry readings, and neighborhood meetings. I imagine it to look something like this...

I would fill it with all manner of thrifted mis-matched furniture, and used books. I just love the idea of waking up and strolling down the street to open my little store. SG's bus could drop her off here after school and she could sip on something while doing her homework. Ah well, a girl can dream right?

2011-01-06T08:53:00.002-05:00

Such a strange comment on the last post. It really got me thinking. I guess I always wonder what it is that would make someone do something like that. Who are they, and why my blog in particular? Is this simply a person who randomly comments on anything? I was going to take it down, but it's not hurting anyone - and I think it's always good to have a reminder that this information that I'm putting out there is for all the world to see.

But I just have to ask, because the commenter didn't leave an address where I can write them back. Are you Christian? Because throughout the rant you talk about "the gods" and reincarnation, but then about the rapture and end of days. Seems to be some sort of personal religion. Which I can go for, I don't ascribe to any particular dogma myself. And I like to think that the path to wisdom lies in knowing what you don't know, so I refuse to say that something or someone is "wrong" when it comes to a belief system. Who am I to say? Although my little blog of crafts and yoga seems like an odd place for a tirade like that. Maybe you should start your own blog random commenter - then you can talk at length about your beliefs. I suppose I appreciate your attempt to reach out to me. But unfortunately, it will only fall on deaf ears.

So many of the beliefs of man turn out to be nothing more than dust which settles over their superstitious graves. Our true folly is our confidence.

2011-01-04T07:51:00.009-05:00

Things I'd like to do right now:

1. pack up the winter village (and other xmas stuff)
2. make a new blog banner
3. make this doll for my friend's kid
4. make this hooded scarf for my mom
5. mail my parents' gifts (they've been out of town so it's not so bad that I haven't done this yet!)
6. get a haircut
7. go back to yoga
8. finish reading the book I'm reading now which is overdue (Great House) and read the one for my book club which will be overdue soon (Water for Elephants)
9. make bobbin cards
10. take pictures of meeps
11. work on my brother's scarf
12. make a draft snake

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T16:49:00.001-05:00

busy day

2010-12-30T18:06:00.004-05:00

Well, I made my first project with my new machine and it was soooo nice! Here's some pics of the four headbands I made. (these are so easy that it's kind-of addicting, at one point I really had to just stop because there's no reason to have this many headbands.)

I also finished the hat that I've been knitting for my aunt, hopefully I can get that in the mail tomorrow. The kiddo was feeling puny today so we just stayed home, but it was nice to get to do some stuff. I might even work on another project after dinner!

Almost a New Year

2010-12-29T15:39:00.005-05:00

Of course to herald the new year one must talk about one's resolutions. I don't have anything specific in mind, but I am determined over the next few weeks to get back on the healthy track! I have been eating so much rich and junky foods (and loving it!) and NOT excercising, that I'm starting to feel so sluggish and yucky. That and I haven't gotten up before 7AM yet in weeks. So, I've decided to follow this challenge over at the whole living site. It's a 28 day challenge to detox and get healthy. I'm going to start after the New Year (naturally!). But the nice thing is they actually give you some pre-plan things to do. One is to start drinking more water, right away. That is definitely something I need to do. I mostly drink coffee all day, and my skin is so parched. So for right now, that's all I'm thinking about. My other pre-plan is this Sunday, I'm going to clean out the fridge (giant chocolate birthday cake, I'm looking at you!) and then I'm going to make a menu and go to the grocery store. Nothing beats a clean fridge stocked with yummy healthy foods! Maybe too I could make a big pot of soup to eat for lunches.

Also on the front of resolutions and things like that, I revamped my little craft area. I got a new sewing machine for Christmas which got me inspired to re-do my sewing area. So I got some new storage, cleaned out a bunch of old stuff and made it nice a tidy! I'm going to hang up some art and take some photos. If we ever get any sunlight that is. The weather outside is so crappy lately. Cold, wet and gray - typical louisville winter. I have found for this time of year, nothing beats having lots of hot beverages and blankets around + knitting, baking and sewing of course. Making pretty things always makes me feel better about not going outside. Here's some links to some things I'll probably be crafting over the next few days.

Very cute and easy fabric headbands, you can use a fat quarter, I can see myself making a bunch of these! Tutorial here

And how cute are these little guys?! They will do very nicely with my newly organized sewing desk. You can also print them out here.

And finally I have a lonely old teacup sitting on my desk that I would like to turn into a pincushion. photo via readymade

All is quiet

2010-12-23T00:43:00.003-05:00

It is late, very, very late. I'm not sure why I am still awake other than the "one more row" syndrome I'm having right now, and the utter quiet of my home. I relish these moments when it's just me and the cat, and my two mercurial pices are asleep. That combined with the fact that I know I don't have to get up and go tomorrow morning has completely done me in.

So far this is shaping up to be a nicer holiday season than many in the past. We haven't over-planned, I haven't over-shopped, the decorations are small but very sweet. No one has been mopey or grumpy. For the first year it has felt like we are a family celebrating the holidays as a little family. We might even have *gasp* traditions? Pulling out the tiny box of decorations was great fun. We actually went to a gingerbread house making party. And the company party felt like a real, cozy and warm holiday party. It's just been so peaceful. I'm really thankful. I'm excited that we have nothing to do for the next four days except visit friends and read and make things. (promising right now that I will post pictures tomorrow!) There's really something to be said for just staying home.

I had the wonderful joy of getting a really good new sewing machine last night at a store that was going out of business. I got a tip from some quilter friends in the grocery that they had a few machines left, but I'd better hurry. I'm so glad I ran into them! First thing tomorrow (well, maybe after I make a cup of coffee) I'm going to plug her in and see how I can do at figuring out how she works. Today I didn't have a minute to even take her out of the box. I can't wait!

Good tidings

2010-12-18T12:40:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure what I used to do before there were blogs. Mine is not nearly as important to me as the ones that I read regularly. Here's a video I found by one of my new favorite bloggers (although she's been around for awhile)

Dottie Angel's Once Upon a Time from Etsy on Vimeo.

I'm still amazed when I open up my little laptop machine and can be transported to a sunny little world of lovely homes and good lighting, well made things and inspiration. I wish that I created more and spent less time longingly looking at others' creations, but I guess I'm just an admirer. Like an art aesthete, but for crafts instead. I have been making things the past week, I'll post some pictures as soon as I can. My usual triumvirate of baking, sewing and knitting. It's been nice, because we were iced in and SG was of course having no school. She and I have been working on "christmas town" which you can see two of the inhabitants of in the new banner above. And we've been creating other tiny creatures too which I can't wait to photograph! I feel lazy since I've not gotten much "real" work done, but oh well, it's the holidays! It's time to eat sweets and listen to sappy music and enjoy my little family's company and our cozy little home.

Morning Astanga thoughts

2010-12-09T08:26:00.002-05:00

I've been pretty good lately about getting to yoga, since I got back from my long break in Nov. Last week I made it Mon, tues, and Friday. Then there was a moon day on Sun. This week I went in Mon, then not again until today. This morning I was thinking funny things about writing about the people in my class. It's funny to see these people day in and day out and not know them. Today I was next to the woman I call the "dragon lady" in my head. She's a tiny woman, probably in her forties and really, really good (she can do all the jump throughs into every position). But she makes the craziest noises! At one point, I was almost having to stifle a laugh because she sounded like a bear snoring. Then she'll let out a big moan or sigh, it's entertaining. Then of course today came in well, lets just call him "Vishnu" (I actually do know this person outside of class - just an acquaintance). Anyway, I also find him amusing because he obviously takes his practice (and himself) so seriously. He's got flowing blond hair and teeny-tiny shorts. He likes to make a lot of racket too, mostly in the form of burping, which is just gross. He only comes in once in awhile, but I think he must practice a lot at home, he's also very good. These are a couple of the "full primary" people. There's a handful of them and they all seem to be characters. Well, not all of them - some of them seem pretty normal. At any rate, hopefully someday I'll be one of them! Then someone can write about me and my crazy hairy armpits :)

I'm so glad I went in today. It was 18 degrees when I got in my car at 6. It was so hard to leave that down comforter and sleeping husband! (we finally got the kiddo to start sleeping alone, I think this time it might stick) But I always feel like my mind is clearer and I can think better on the days that I go. And I feel energized, and more peaceful. I'm going to need it, the next couple of days are going to be pretty packed. Today I have to give a practice talk to my lab, then attend a job talk for a candidate who's interviewing for our department, then a lunch for a different candidate, then make edits to my talk. And my parents and brother are coming in this evening. Tomorrow I get to drive two hours to Indiana to give said talk to another lab (that I'm hoping I can get into for a post-doc). Hopefully get home by 5, then get SG ready for her comp in Lexington (an hour away), drive there, and hopefully get back before 11. Whew! I need to go start preparing... yoga power - keep me going!

The finish line: last two 30 posts of truth

2010-12-02T20:56:00.002-05:00

(allow me to preface this post by saying that I've had a really low self-esteem day today, I wrote half of it and realized that I should probably say that)

#29: Something you hope to change about yourself, and why.

Today I'm feeling like the thing that I would hope to change about myself is my horrible habit of procrastinating that's ruining my life. And I would also like to change my negativity, and the fact that I'm hyper-critical of my self. This is a terrible post for today.

#30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself everything you love about yourself

Oh god, I can't be expected to do this right now. Okay, maybe it would be good for me.

Dear me,
You are really great at making food. I always like to eat the food that you cook. And I think that you're a pretty good knitter too. You are very loyal to your friends and loved ones. And you're a good mom. And even though you give yourself a hard time, you are a hard worker.

whew - I'm glad that's over. My goal for future posts? Something sciency and non-touchy-feely!

2010-11-30T09:17:00.002-05:00

girl with red umbrella: photo by inbrainstorm

It's a dark, cold, rainy morning here in the ville. I'm trying to work up the gumption to get to into work. One more cup of coffee and a blog post, and then I promise I'll put my shoes on and slog out.

Day two of getting back on the yoga horse was rough. First I was awoken by the peaceful violins coming out of my radio, only to realize that they meant getting out of warm bed, and into a soggy cold car. I had a little fight with myself, "maybe I can rest a day, no - you should just go, but I'm so sore, but you are awake, just do it...etc." Anyway, I went and it was brutal. So stiff and sore I could barely move. But again, since it is a seasonal depression inducing day - it's things like getting exercise in the morning which stave off the sadness ultimately.

on to my two posts of truth for the day:
27: what's the best thing I have going for me right now?
not that I'm in any kind of mood to count my blessings, but let's see... the first thing that comes to mind is my health, which is good. Followed by my family, whom I love dearly. And although I yearn for more space, I love our neighborhood. This past week two of our neighbor-friends had babies, two precious little girls, and I'm so happy that one, we've actually stayed in one place long enough to share in the growing of these two sweet families, and two, that skater girl felt the joy of seeing new people brought into the world. Being an only child, and not having any family around I fear that she misses things like that, but our block is such a great community - it feels like an extended family, I'm so glad for it.

28: which funny enough brings me to the next post, what if I was pregnant?
This is an amusing thought, I don't think I'd be terribly disappointed. I think about it a lot really, that what I secretly wish I was doing was raising a brood of homeschooled kids and spending my days sewing and growing our own food. Of course, it's not like if I got pregnant that I would suddenly chuck all of my grad school plans and do that. Probably what would happen is that my life would continue on in a very similar way, I'd try to finish school anyway, and probably take some time off afterward to raise the kid. Or teach part-time. Oak man would be very happy anyway, he's always wanted more. At any rate, it wouldn't really be that life changing.

2010-11-29T17:09:00.003-05:00

I'm looking forward to being done with the 30 posts of truth project. To be honest, what started out as sounding like an interesting way to spice up blog posts, it's really boring to be always dishing on myself. Although, yes - in this blog I generally talk about myself, it's just not in such deep and revealing ways. I don't know, I've lost interest, but then - I loose interest in most things anyway.

Which brings me to my confession... I barely went to yoga in the month of November. We're talking like twice, seriously. Either I or the Oak man have been traveling for conferences or holidays all month. I've been totally stressed and stretched quite thin. But even still, I'm a little disappointed in myself for not sticking to it better. Or at least trying to practice at home a little bit. However, there was one really fun thing that I did. I went to another studio. It seemed like cheating on my studio and ashtanga. But the oak man gave me a gift certificate to this other studio for christmas last year, and I thought I might as well use it before the year is up! I also got a lovely new mat out of it. :)

And you know what? It was fun to be in a class where there was discussion. The teacher asked at the beginning of the class for everyone to say their favorite poses, and their least favorite (I couldn't think of a single one, it was funny). We did them all and tried to appreciate our frustrations. We also did handstands and backbends, two things I never do. And they were really fun! I might try to do that more often, make it to other classes once in awhile. Although I looooove ashtanga, it can be a little serious sometimes. And at 6AM it's full of type A folks that make me feel a little schlubby sometimes.

Regardless, I got my butt to the studio this morning. It was hard, I will not lie. But I have felt really great all day and I am so glad that I went! I'm getting back on the yoga horse now that the month of hellish stress is over.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So, anyway onto the truth posts of the day (doubling up again so I can hurry up and get through it already!)
25. The reason I'm still alive today
- um well, I really have no answer for that. I've never had a near death experience, and I think it's just dumb luck that nothing bad has ever happened to me. Although I would be remiss if I didn't at least acknowledging my awesome parents who have always worked very hard to keep me safe and healthy. My mom is definitely the reason why I eat so super healthy now. Which is strangely ironic because she doesn't really take very good care of herself.

And 26. have I ever really thought about giving up on life.
- this may sound hard to believe but the answer to this question is a big fat NO. I love being alive. Maybe it's the fact that I've never believed in an afterlife, but even when I was very, very depressed I never wanted to end it. I've wanted to give up and run away, to kill other people, to drink to the point of blacking out, to stay in bed and never come out again, but I've never wanted to die. I just have too much curiosity. No matter how bad things get, I always feel like I can change them for the better somehow. Maybe that's it, I've just never really felt that helpless.

So now off to make a big pot of soup and get warm!

Thankful

2010-11-26T00:20:00.002-05:00

As usual, thanksgiving has proven itself again to be my favorite holiday. Each year, I'm reminded of just how much I love this day. No advertising company has taken it over, no one has figured out how to exploit it. Even the food is fairly inexpensive, a lot of butter, potatoes, turkey, beans, bread etc... you can make a great meal for many for very little. I've done it. When I was about 21, I volunteered to cook thanksgiving dinner at the halfway house that I worked at. That meant cooking for 20 adults, using very little means. It meant so much to me, someone who cooked using a hot plate at home. I wasn't that great in the kitchen. But it was so much fun. Throughout the day folks wandered into the kitchen and were pleasantly surprised to find a meal being cooked. They pitched in and pretty soon it was a real holiday meal. One of the best one's I've had.

Each year, I'm so thankful to have a holiday with really no pressure, and no stress. No grand expectations, and no big let down afterward. Today we just cooked and read, went for a walk in the woods, made some jokes, watched some sports, played games, ate, drank and were merry. It was wonderful. After dinner my cousins came over who I rarely get to see and that was a treat. Pretty soon everyone is tired and happily goes to bed. And bonus, being that I love to cook, I don't even have to do the dishes!

I'm really looking forward to the year that we get to have thanksgiving at our house though. I hope it's coming soon. I just want to have all my loved ones around, and not have to hunt everywhere for a slotted spoon. I feel like we're getting close to finally having that dream of having enough space for everyone to be able to relax and stretch out at our home. I can't wait.

At any rate, this year was really great. I hope everyone else out there had a really nice, chill day too.

Day 22/23: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-23T09:06:00.002-05:00

Something you wish you had done in your life/ something you wish you hadn't done in your life

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I wish that I had had another kid. The reason for this is simply that I wish SG was able to grow up with a sibling. She'd be a great big sister. But I feel like it's too late for that now. She's almost 8 and it just wouldn't be the same. Plus, I think that if I had a baby at any point during dissertation hell I'd probably just cash in my chips and quit school. But yes, being that I grew up with siblings, I feel like she's missing out. And I hate that she's my only shot at grandkids. I love the idea of a house full of a big family. Oh well, when I had the chance, I couldn't stomach the thought of going through childbirth and babies all over again. I didn't have the amnesia that other women have, I just couldn't wait for her to be old enough to have a conversation with.

Okay, and something I wish I hadn't done in my life? Given up dancing. When I was younger the only I wanted to be in life was a dancer. It consumed all my waking hours. When I got older, I decided, for a number of different reasons to quit. What I wish is this, I wish that I had listened to to my high school instructor who told me to pursue modern dance instead of ballet, that was a stupid choice. And I wish that I had pursued choreography. I had talent for it and I squandered it. Simply out of fear, really. Many days go by where I wish that I still had that opportunity.

30 posts of truth - high speed version

2010-11-21T16:19:00.002-05:00

Out of fear of dragging this out for too long, I've decided to get myself back up to speed by posting several of these at once. I've been out of town the past week, without an internet hook-up so I've gotten behind. So, here we go.

Day 14 - a hero that has let you down.

He's not exactly a hero, I can't say that I really have any of those, but Miles Davis is someone I always thought was super cool until I found out that he beat his wife. Fail.

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without because you've tried living without it.

I'm sad to say that I am having this problem with dairy. I'd really like it to be out of my life once and for all, I think it's highly unusual that we drink the milk of another mammal, but I'm eating cheez-its as we speak.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Please see above.

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something

Mad Cowboy an excellent book by a man who was raised on and owned a cattle ranch, and has since decided to go vegan.

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage

I absolutely believe that gay people should have all the same rights as straight people, no question. My views on marriage as an institution? that's another story.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? of politics?

While these are not easy questions, here's my summary. I believe that humans are an accident and religion is something that we made up to explain away our fear of our own mortality.

I do believe however, that we are all equals and should be treated as such. Government should be set up in such a way to protect individual rights and freedoms. I think that healthcare should be a right, and childcare, and education. I think the government should do a better job protecting our food systems and our planet, and feeding our children. And I think that corporations have NO place in government. In fact, I think there should be much stronger laws against advertising. Ultimately I think our system is corrupt and probably won't last. But we're a young country, maybe we'll figure it out. There will probably have to be a pretty significant paradigm shift in order to get through all the environmental and health problems that face the world. I hope that we can do it as a species, but if not, we are really just a blip in the universe and sadly, it doesn't really matter that much.

Day 20 - your views on drugs and alcohol

Pot should be legal. Alcohol ruins lives. Cigarettes are stupid. Caffeine is wonderful.

Day 21 - Scenario, your best friend is in a car accident and you got into a fight 2 hours before, what do you do?

I could really use some more details on this one. Is he dead? If not, then obviously I high tail it to the hospital and hope that all turns out well so I can apologize and make things right. If so, well then I'd probably feel like shit about it for the rest of my life and make better efforts not to leave things badly with others.

Okay! I'm back up to speed and I can continue the once a day posts until the end of the month.

Day 13: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-17T14:20:00.006-05:00

"I will go where I will go, and I will jettison all dead weight. And I will use these words for kindling, and I will sleep by the garden gate. My garden with grow so high - that I will be completely hidden"

Dear Mountain Goats,
Just wanted to let you know that your music has been there for me through all sorts of tough times. I used to listen to Nine Black Poppies in my attic apartment in Charleston, when I was getting through my last year of school. A boyfriend who had decided to move to a cultish art commune gave me a tape of your stuff before he left and I fell in love with it. I bought Sweden and was completely hooked. No one could ever understand. I kind of liked that it seemed like a secret band. Then there was a time after I moved to Idaho when I would just listen to The Coroner's Gambit on vinyl over and over and over again, sitting at home alone and missing lots of people. All Hail West Texas came at a perfect time when I was driving across country and could sing along loudly. It's still a dream of mine to get to see you in concert one day. And it's probably about time that I got a new album. In fact, I'm driving to St. Louis tonight, and I'll bring a couple of these along. Anyway, thanks for the memories and the poetry. Keep on rockin.

Day 12: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-14T13:27:00.004-05:00

today's post is to name something I never get compliments on. That would probably be my ability to drive. In fact, I regularly get a hard time about it. I've been called "grandma", told I talked with my hands too much while I was driving, made fun of for my inability to parallel park... even my daughter the other day told me that my driving was "not smooth" and then pantomimed getting whiplash. I got in quite a few accidents when I was younger, some my fault but a lot not my fault, I wasn't even driving in three of them. So yes, I drive like a grandma. Precious cargo people. Oh well, I look forward to the day that we either have to get around using something other than cars, or the cars start to drive themselves.

Day 11: 30 posts of Truth

2010-11-13T10:23:00.003-05:00

For today's post I'm supposed to come up with something that people always compliment me on. I have no idea how to answer this. I guess people say that I'm smart occasionally. My cousin is forever telling me that I always find the best blogs and websites. That's really the best I can come up with. Maybe I seem really full of myself because it doesn't seem like people compliment me that much. Boo hoo. That's okay, getting compliments always made me uncomfortable anyway. This morning at the farmer's market a girl remarked that she liked my hat that I had knitted. That made me happy. We should just compliment people more as a society. Sometimes random compliments from strangers are the best.

Day 10: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-11T19:44:00.002-05:00

Whew, I almost missed today - life has been crazy busy around here lately. It will be pretty amazing when I get through this month.

Today's post is about someone who I need to let go, or wish I didn't know. To be honest, this just seems unnecessarily cruel. Over the past few years I've tried very hard to only make friends with people who are a positive influence on me. I'm trying to distance myself from those folks that leave me feeling less than good after I hang out with them. This is not an easy thing to do. I think that either I'm a very poor judge of character or I just tend to have a hard time seeking those kinds of people out. I think I'm getting better at it, but it's still hard. I recently had to distance myself from someone who I found was just really hurting me. I felt just awful, because she noticed and I was too cowardly to admit it. But, I just couldn't see how she could benefit from my telling her that I just didn't like her anymore. She's just too judgmental. Its so hard to be friends with people who are constantly making judgments about others because you can't help but think that they are silently judging you. And who needs that kind-of stress from a friendship? I get enough judgment from my colleagues (and my internal monologue)!!

It's always very difficult for me though, because I am sympathetic to people. I know that if they are very negative or judgmental it's because they are not happy, with either the world or themselves. I naturally want to be there for them when no one else does. I want to be a good friend to them. But I simply don't have it in me right now to take abuse. I genuinely believe that if you care enough about someone that you should let them abuse you a little, that's what unconditional love is about. But I shouldn't let that be just anyone, right? Anyway, just not right now. I'm on a self-preservation kick at the moment. I teeter too close to the edges of depression most days to be there fully for someone who's not willing to be there for me. What I'm looking for in friendship at the moment is support, and fun. Mostly fun. :)

Day 9: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-10T08:26:00.003-05:00

Today's post is to write about someone I didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

Someone who comes to mind immediately is B. Miller! We were insanely close in high school and then drifted apart when we both went away to college. I was always sad about the way things ended up between us. However, thanks to the wonders of Facebook we have found each other again. I was just so happy to see that she is now a great writer, on her way to being a published novelist. I always knew you could! Hooray for the interwebs!

day 8: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-09T19:03:00.002-05:00

Hm, someone who made my life a living hell, or was really awful to me.

When I was in seventh grade, there was a girl who showed up at my school. We became fast friends, and I thought we were best friends. However, she was busily trying to infiltrate the so-called popular crowd, unbeknownst to me. Anyway, once she got in with them, she dropped me like a hot potato. It was a real shock to my system. You know how when you move to a new city you might rent for awhile until you figure out where the cool part of town is? Yeah, well I was her rental. From what I could tell, she remained a bitch for the remainder of her time in our town.

Day 7: 30 Posts of Truth

2010-11-08T09:29:00.002-05:00

(if you would like to find out more about the 30 posts of truth project see here)

So the topic today is someone who has made my life worth living. See if you can figure out who it is.

When my hubby and I first met, I was suffering from a severe depression and was drowning all of my sorrows in alcohol. I had moved across the country in a fit of defiance coupled with despair. To be honest, I didn't have any idea what I was going to do with my life, other than become a hermit and drink myself to death.

Who knows why, but my husband decided that I was a person worth saving, and did just that. He really steadied me and helped me out of the darkness, but even still, although I was mostly happy - I held on to the drinking.

After we had moved and tried to start a new life, I was still drinking to the point of blacking out probably a few times a week. I was making myself sick, and at one point even found myself in the bathroom contemplating drinking rubbing alcohol when I had run out of everything else. Okay, truth be told I actually drank it. I consider this one of the ultimate lows in my life and am even shocked today as I write it. It really just goes to show that you simply can't change for someone else. That and I believe that to quit drugs you have to be around other people who are quitting too.

We reached a point where, even though he didn't want to, he was going to leave me. I was just too much of a mess. When, surprise! I got pregnant. It was a shock and I think neither one of us really knew what to think. But apart from the drinking, we were really in love, when I was sober, things were really good. So we decided to go for it.

This was a significant turning point in my life. I quit everything cold turkey the day I found out. Smoking and drinking and caffeine. It's funny, because it was easy. And it was easy because deep down, I had wanted to. I just couldn't. But here I had a reason, and I just couldn't be the kind of person who would jeopardize the life of her unborn child. I started taking vitamins, and eating healthy, and lo and behold I felt better than I had in years! Shortly after that I got a job at a bakery, and it turned out that the other baker was in AA. We spent many, many days in the kitchen of that bakery sharing our stories. She was an incredible help to me. I didn't feel the need to go to a meeting, because it had been months since I had drank and I had no intention of starting again. But the support system was invaluable.

I guess this is a story about a lot of people that helped to make my life worthwhile. Without my husband and especially my daughter, I really don't know if I'd be alive today. After she was born, I went another two years without drinking. Nowadays, I can have a glass of wine or a beer and enjoy myself, I do sincerely believe that as long as you take enough time off, you can drink in moderation. But you have to know your limits and your triggers. For example, I try to never drink when I'm sad or stressed, or even alone, and I never drink hard liquor. It's been working for me for five years now, and I haven't had a single relapse. It's also taken probably that long for me to make it up to my husband all the pain that I caused him, but I'm so thankful that he stuck by me.

Day 6: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-07T13:47:00.005-05:00

Today I am supposed to post something that I hope I never have to do. That's easy, I hope I never have to bury my daughter. Of course I'd love us both to live forever, but since that isn't possible, I hope she outlives me.

Day 5: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-05T16:24:00.003-04:00

Today I am supposed to post about something I'd like to do in my life. I'm not a particularly adventurous person, so things like skydiving or safaris do not immediately jump to mind. I have a couple of more immediate goals like, get a PhD and finish the Primary sequence in my ashtanga practice. But I get the feeling this is less like a goals kind of thing and more like a bucket list. I can remember me saying the other day "that's something I'd like to do before I die" but I can't remember what I was talking about. I'd definitely like to travel more, I haven't ever left my continent. Although again, no places that I'm just dying to see. You'd think this wouldn't be so hard! Really, I just want to live long enough to see my daughter as an adult. Oh yeah! I just remembered what it was. I've always wanted to learn how to play the accordion. Seriously.

Day 4: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-04T16:27:00.003-04:00

Today's post is to think of something I have to forgive someone for. This is a hard one, because I tend not to hold grudges. I'm much harder on myself than I am on other people. Usually, I give them the benefit of the doubt to a fault. But I do genuinely believe that we are capable of anything, given a certain set of circumstances. So in essence, I can easily forgive most transgressions because I can empathize with their motivation for causing harm.

There is one case I can think of however. There is a person in my life whom I love very much, but has been battling with addiction for years. I've lately become quite cold and indifferent to this person's suffering, mostly out of a need for self-preservation. It's easy to get sucked into thinking that you can make someone change, especially when it comes to addiction. However, one of the things that recovery programs teach to the people who are hurt by addicts is that you have to forgive them. They are victims of an addiction. This allows you to be compassionate, but also to not invest emotionally in their suffering. The goal is non-judgment. They are an individual who is responsible for their own choices. To be honest, I'm not sure that I can do this, at least right now. I am just too angry. I come from a long line of co-dependency and family members who enable addictive behaviors. Tough love is something seen my family as almost cruel and unusual. And that empathy that I was talking about? Well, I've also battled addiction and seen many friends also go through it. You would think that would make me more empathetic, but actually it makes it more difficult. I guess I can just see now how my behavior was really hurting those around me and how completely self-absorbed I was. So it's hard to go back to that place. And it's hard not to judge. Looks like it's time to return back to the 4 truths:

1. Friendliness towards the joyful

2. Compassion for those who are suffering

3. Celebrating the good in others

4. Remaining impartial to the faults and imperfections of others

Day 3: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-03T08:39:00.003-04:00

Most days I feel like I need to cut myself some slack when it comes to parenting. I have to forgive myself for possibly screwing my kid up. Although she is a great child, sometimes she acts entitled, or bossy, or sassy and I immediately think that I could have done a lot better instilling politeness and manners in her when she was younger. She is not very generous either, which I know is both a combination of the fact that she's an only child and just doesn't have to share on a daily basis, and the fact that we have just not stressed that enough.

I think that as mothers many of us have a tough time with maternal guilt. Especially now, when there seems like so many ways that we can screw up. Gone are the days where you sent your kid to the one school that they could go to. Now you must choose between schools with concentrations in science or the arts, magnet programs, traditional schools, uniforms, and on and on. And yes, this is for elementary school. Don't even get me started on the extra curricular activities! We're doing the best we can do, but in this age of endless choices, one of the major drawbacks is always feeling like you could have made a better choice. I must forgive myself for being an imperfect mother. And I want my daughter to recognize that nobody's perfect, even her. She will be happier that way I think. Striving to be the best you can be is great, but striving for perfection will set you up for disappointment.

Day 2: 30 posts of truth

2010-11-02T08:33:00.003-04:00

Today I'm supposed to write about something I love about myself. This is almost as difficult as writing about something I dislike. It's funny, today is election day, which means that SG doesn't have school, I thought it would be fun to make some muffins since I still had an abundance of squash, and some extra time. As I was making them I was thinking about this post and thought, "that's one thing I like about myself, I'm a really good baker!" And lo and behold, the muffins turned out really bad. They won't stay together and are completely flat, and too dark. Jokes on me. I'm not sure what happened, it's a vegan recipe, which calls for maple syrup instead of sugar. I substituted molasses and honey, I don't know if that had anything to do with it though. Also the oat bran I used was pretty old. I've used this recipe before and they turned out beautifully, so I'll get some fresh ingredients and try again. And that brings me to the other thing I like about myself. I'm not a quitter!

30 posts of truth

2010-11-01T12:35:00.004-04:00

Found this today
30 posts of truth
thought it might be an interesting thought experiment, and give me some meatier things to write about. Please comment if you decide to do it too, I'd love to read others' posts as well!

The first topic on the list is to write something I hate about myself. That's a pretty crappy way to start, but I guess I can come up with something. Believe it or not, there's a LOT of things I don't like about myself. Granted, that's the wording I would use--not HATE. Even though it's purely semantic, I dislike the idea of openly hating anything, especially myself. (and no, I'm not egotistical, I don't think anyone should hate themselves! not constructive, and not healthy)

That said, the thing that's causing me the most anguish lately is my utter lack of will power. I feel like I am very, very bad at following through with those things that I set out to do. I recognize this facet of my personality and I am actively trying to change it right now, so there. (It's very hard to come up with something that I don't like about myself and not have an excuse for it) So here's one that I can't do anything about, my skin. I really do hate my skin sometimes. Ever since my mid-twenties it been pretty bad. As long as I'm eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep (and not hormonal) then it looks okay, but I rarely have all of that together, so it's usually a mess. And gives me one more reason to berate myself for not having better willpower! So, that's enough negativity for one day!

And by the way, I'm very very sad that Mondo did not win project runway this season. Just thought I'd share that with everyone.

quote of the day

2010-10-26T10:20:00.000-04:00

christmas?

2010-10-22T08:50:00.004-04:00

I don't know if it's the chill in the air this morning, but I'm thinking about what little gifts I can whip up for Christmas this year. Some ideas that I have are zip pouches for my girlfriends (from the purl bee),

or these sweet felted slippers,

homemade granola in jars for the teachers,

artist case for the little (can't seem to find an image that is the same as the one in my head, will have to keep looking)... just some ideas. I should probably be thinking about Halloween at the moment - here's who we're thinking of being!

It's fall

2010-10-20T09:01:00.002-04:00

For the past few weeks we've been collecting seed pods for the fall festival at my daughter's school. As an activity I thought it would be nice for the kids to try to identify them. We've taken pictures of all of them, and made a book for the kids to use as a reference. If they can name up to five then they get a mini pumpkin as a prize, and can decorate it! I'm excited to see how it goes. I need to take some photos of the entire collection and the lovely book. This has been a fun project!

Monday thoughts

2010-10-18T10:40:00.003-04:00

Last week was a serious yoga holiday for me. I was extremely glad to get back on the mat today! We just had many events going on, and out of towners staying with us. It made for the stumbling around in the dark part pretty tricky. But gladly, I got back to it today. Of course, as it goes when I jump back on the yoga horse, it's 11AM and I'm in a daze.

At any rate, I've been inspired to really try to do a daily practice. When I first started Ashtanga back in the spring, I was making really good progress, because I was keeping at it almost daily. However, as of late, I'm only getting around to it maybe three times a week. At our studio, the teacher has a sign up sheet, you check of everyday that you come. My check marks are really sad at the moment. So, this is a new day, a new week and I'm starting over! (just in case anyone's wondering why I don't try practicing at home - I feel like I will once I'm through the whole primary series. If I can do that, then I feel okay about practicing without help - that and I don't have any space, and a dog and a cat and a husband who all would like to interrupt me!)

So, back to work. And I really should actually go to work, haha.

Grad school update, more to get myself motivated than anything:
1.) Dissertation proposal (and ALL that goes with it - a list in and of itself)
2.) Grad student grant competition application
3.) create presentation for a seminar coming up
4.) edits on a potential publication
5.) preparing a poster for a conference next month
6.) homework
7.) reading, endless reading

My advisor's been totally MIA for two weeks now - my goal this week is to put a stop to that! I of course have no idea how I'm going to do that, but I'll think of something.

I've also got to get my crap together for my daughters fall festival at school, since I've volunteered to man a table informing folks about the school garden. Which, by-the-way I need to water, urgh.

Getting there

2010-10-12T09:12:00.005-04:00

For me the hardest part about Ashtanga is getting up really, really early. Stumbling around in the dark, trying not to wake my sleeping family and trying to resist the urge to crawl back into be with them since the they look so cozy. (most nights my daughter sneaks downstairs and crawls into our bed - she is very stealthy and I am at a loss of how to break her of the habit.) Unfortunately, since my hubby leaves for work at 7, I have no choice but to get up super early.

Anyway, once I get to the studio, which is right around the corner, then I'm fine. It's warm, the lights are on, incense is lit, and there are always people there who are already halfway through the sequence, even though I get there at 6. (wonder what time they go to bed at night?) This morning I was a little groggy and I am still adjusting to the heat being on in the studio which makes it a little stuffy.

And now, by the time I'm leaving the studio, the sun still hasn't even started to rise. It's pretty lame. Seems a little strange to do sun salutations when there still an hour before any sun! Daylight savings time is a few weeks away, but I doubt that will help. Anyway, just thought I'd complain a bit about getting up. My practice is still going well. I'm able to go usually every other day. I'd love to try to do it more often and will hopefully continue to work my way up to more days a week. I feel like I'm still making progress though. Bhuja Pidasana finally felt better today, after doing it for a couple of weeks. I'm still not able to get out of it easily, but my balance felt good. I tried to tuck my shoulders under my thighs which helped a lot. I felt the "arm pressure"

Friday Book Review

2010-10-08T13:32:00.005-04:00

This one is a doozy.

31 Hours by Masha Hamilton will leave you simultaneously heartbroken and terrified. It is a very realistic portrayal of a young man who has turned to terrorism to assuage his feelings of helplessness about the state of the country. He is a twenty-something liberal, white, American man, raised Jewish, by artist parents. And without turning him into a fanatic, or a lunatic, or even unlikable, Hamilton manages to pull off the fact that he's about to launch a suicide bomb on New York. That's where this short novel is so harrowing, because he's so familiar, and yet willing to perform an act that's unspeakably monstrous to so many. It is very rare that you find a protagonist that is this sympathetic and horrific at the same time.

In addition, the craft of the novel is quite compelling. It is told over the course of 31 hours. Each short chapter is marked by the time, and told from various points of view. From the main character, to his family who is trying to locate him with increasing desperation, to his potential victims. By the end of this book my heart was pounding and I was literally shaking. I did not want to come to the end. And the end will haunt me.

For this day and age, this is an incredibly poignant book. I'm glad that a woman in my book group suggested it as I doubt that I would have chose it myself. But it's powerful, and I'm glad that I read it.

knits!!

2010-10-08T10:31:00.001-04:00

Hats for everyone!

committed

2010-10-05T08:32:00.002-04:00

What is commitment? I started thinking about this after reading a post about yoga and sticking to a program even you really don't feel like it. Commitment comes from the word "bind together". And the two things that you are binding together are your intention and your faith. You have faith in the outcomes of your intention. This I love. Because it makes it so clear what it is that I am doing when I am failing to show commitment. I am loosing faith. Once again, a yoga lesson turns out to be a life lesson. The less faith that I have that I will graduate, or that if I do graduate that I won't be able to do anything with my degree, then the less apt I am to commit. The truly viscous part though is that if I don't commit, then I will never reach any goals. And this is the key for me - the second half of commitment, the part that I have problems with. The - do it anyway part. Even if you don't feel like it, or have lost faith, or can't really see the point, do it anyway. Reminding yourself of your original intention can help sometimes. But there are times, more than I care to admit, when it's better not to think too much, and just do it.

But back to yoga, I have a daily commitment with yoga, sometimes I fulfill that commitment and sometimes I don't. This morning was hard. It was very dark when I woke up. And cold outside. When I got to the studio, the heat made me sluggish. I was grumpy because I was stiff, and felt weak. But I'm glad I went. And I'll go back tomorrow.

Fall eats

2010-09-30T11:36:00.005-04:00

I have got a LOT of butternut squash. And a LOT of sweet potatoes. Not much else though. A bag of g. beans and a bag of okra, both of which need to be eaten soon, or frozen. At any rate here's a round up of some recipes that I'd like to make soon. Or at least will be needing to make soon!

sweet potato biscuits

sweet potato with warm black bean salad

squash muffins (my own recipe)

fall soup w/ bowtie pasta, kale and squash (from this book which by the way, is a fantastic soup cookbook!)

Anyone have any favorites out there? I need ideas! I love a good challenge, which is why having a CSA is so great. And it's nice to eat seasonally too. I feel so much healthier that way.

another hiatus?

2010-09-28T20:51:00.002-04:00

What's happening to my bloggin power? The blog is loosing out in the wake of all else in life. Sadly, my hard drive crashed - and they could not recover what was on it. Thankfully, there wasn't that much that I cared about. Nothing that would make me shed tears anyway.

Not like work today, when I actually almost started crying in my office. I'm trying to get an abstract submitted for a conference soon and I was told quite bluntly that what I was trying to submit was way too similar to what I presented last year. It's true, but then I felt that crushing fear that I've had lately of "I am going to have literally nothing to show for the last two years of work." Thank goodness I didn't cry because two minutes later my adviser popped back in and said, "but you can present this other data we've been working on." Whew! And the emotional roller coaster that is graduate school rolls on. (for the record, I'm entertaining aunt flo today, and our coffee maker is broken at the lab, so - ahem)

Anyway, no yoga it looks like this week, hormones are hitting me like a mac truck this month. I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a migraine like a vice. Ugh. Think I'll call it a wash and worry about yoga on thursday or friday. Right now I just need some iron fortified chocolate - why don't they make such a thing!?!

I've got some knitting on the needles though, some new projects. I'm making a baby gift, and taking a sock knitting class! Ily, if you're reading this you are probably laughing, but yes, it will take my going to a class to actually make myself do it!

Anyway, it's fall. Wonderful, wonderful fall. I bought skater girl some Chuck taylors today and took us out for sushi. It was lovely. Now it's time for a cup of tea and some knitting. Doesn't get much better!

Friday book review

2010-09-10T12:10:00.004-04:00

This week's book is Bloodroot, by Amy Greene.

The peaceful cover of this novel betrays the haunting and terrifying stories inside. This book is a long and drawn out tale of a young woman growing up under terrible circumstances on fictional Bloodroot mountain in the Appalachians. I'd like to say that I enjoyed this book, because at first stop it seems like a good story. But after thinking about it, I have to say that I can't really appreciate this novel. Each character, (and there are plenty, at times I felt like I couldn't keep track of all of them) is sadder than the last. And there are a few that I wonder why they are included in the story at all. The Pulitzer winning vision quest hippie couple? They seemed like an afterthought to me. And one large section of the book is told through the eyes of Doug Cotter, a character we never meet again except for one quick sentence in the epilogue. That seemed very strange to me.

The story revolves around a young woman Myra, and each character's purpose is simply to tell the story of her. Again, I was left feeling hollow, because it was difficult to see why she was so fascinating to begin with, other than her blue eyes, which are remarked on constantly. It's almost as if she is growing up in a place where no one has ever seen blue eyes before. At any rate, her story is sad, everyone makes terrible choices and repeats mistakes made generation after generation. At one point I really started to think I was just reading a book about a few ignorant redneck families, and wondering why on earth should I care what happens to any of them.

The book has a slight mystery about halfway through regarding missing people and bastard children trying to find their families, but this is only in the convoluted way the story is told, not because there is actually any real mystery. Since the book is narrated through several people, you only see the story begin to take shape as the characters tell what they know. It's tedious at times, especially in the beginning, but by the end is moving fairly quickly.

All in all I'd have to give this book just an "eh." I grew up in the deep south and reading about the problems of crazy poor white folks just doesn't do much for me. Supposedly by the end the progeny of all of these lunatics ended up doing all right for themselves, by having a baby and being a decent mother (the girl's fate I guess) and becoming a famous writer (the boy's fate) which is a shocker considering the grammar and education of these kids was dismal. And in the end, the redemption of the most evil character in the book is wholly unbelievable to me, not to mention unfair.

If anything, this book shows a level of disrespect for the ways and people in this part of the country. I find it very hard to believe that all of this pain and suffering would take place in such a small town, and not one neighbor, family member, or community member would reach out to them. (other than to hurt them further, which happens again and again) The only people who are able to turn out okay are the one's that leave. And our beloved Myra ends up locked up, broken and sad, while the guy that put her there is totally off the hook? It's just all very confusing. Supposedly the author paints an intriguing portrait of the Appalachian landscape, but by the end it seems tainted and cursed - I really question the author's love of the place.

begin where you are

2010-09-08T09:08:00.002-04:00

All we can ask of ourselves each day is to take that day and make something good of it. However, we hold in our minds an ideal of what we expect of ourselves and those around us. Trying to live up to this ideal can sometimes cause suffering, sometimes joy. Joy when you succeed, suffering when you fail.

Alternatively, rather than achieving something and looking to the future, we could simply begin where we are. Each day, to begin again. When I step onto the mat, I'm flooded with desire to "get" the poses that I was unable to get yesterday, I want to push myself further. When I sit down to write, I want to write the best and most impressive work, and somehow accomplish great things with my research.

It's easy to forget the process in all of this desire for more. It's too easy to forget that what makes us great is the everyday, the mundane. Practice. Beginning again, over and over we make the decision to do or not do. In simply making the right choice you are embracing that part of you that you want to nurture. And by embracing that part everyday it will grow stronger. There is no point in hurrying, in taking shortcuts, there is no point in looking to a future that may never come.

By beginning where we are, we are giving ourselves a gift. We are accepting ourselves.

Friday book review

2010-09-03T08:24:00.004-04:00

I've been trying to think of a few things that I could post about on a regular basis. One of them is book reviews. I recently finished this book - "The solitude of Prime Numbers." It's apparently an international bestseller, the book itself is set in Italy. This was a change for me, I can't even think of the last time that I read a book by an italian author. (Umberto Eco maybe?) Anyway, Paolo Giordano is a young novelist, and is working on his doctorate in physics. I'm not sure if he wrote this while he was working on his doctorate, but if that's the case, then many kudos to him.

It's a really beautiful book. Each chapter is short, and seem like snapshots. They each begin and end sharply, and the book flies because of it. I read it in three days. The story is pretty much about two people, Mattia and Alice, who vaguely are in love, but you're never really sure because not only are they distant from each other, but they are also removed from everyone else in their lives. The book spans from their childhood to adulthood, and by the end, you have a very complete image of these two individuals, which is almost surprising because of how succinct the telling is.

I was not sure that I felt much in the way of compassion for these people, because they were so cold. Thankfully the author occasionally gives you glimpses from other people's points of view. Still though, the things that haunt them, Mattia- his sister's death and his almost autistic way of dealing with people, Alice- her hatred of her father and her anorexia, these things really don't seem explained to me. It's almost as though they are just flawed, and can never connect. Which I suppose is the point of the whole analogy with prime numbers. The way the author works math into the novel by the way (through Mattia who uses Math as a screen) is really great.

All in all, although the book was haunting and sad, I really enjoyed it. It is thoughtful and well written.

Deep Breath.

2010-08-30T09:47:00.002-04:00

It's a new day, and a new week. I'm going to try to have a week that I can feel really good about. I spent this weekend feeling really down, and last night was literally the pits. Today I feel wrung out, and ready for a fresh perspective. I'm going to eat fresh healthy foods, I'm going to exercise and get some fresh air. And I'm going to work my a** off to get my current draft of my proposal done before Sept. starts. Which I realize is Wednesday, but I'm almost done - so it's doable.

Anyway, I want to feel good about all the decisions I make, and I want to make the right choices in life. I have always been a person who likes to have a plan and know what is going to happen in the future - and right now that is virtually impossible. It is stressing me out. I keep telling myself to simply take it one day at a time and make each day as good as it can be, but it is not easy.

Today I will ride my bike to campus, and help out with a seminar that the grad students are holding. Then I'll spend the next couple of hours finishing my homework for class. When I get home, I'll figure out a menu for the week, and when the Oak man gets home I'll leave and get groceries. I'll make a quick healthy dinner and go to bed early ready to have a super productive day tomorrow. I will not think about the horrible conversation that I had last night, or my feelings of failure or nurse this depression any further. Each day I will do something to work towards my goal of finishing my degree program by May. Each day I will get my self a little bit further towards that goal. And each day I'm going to be kind to myself by taking care of my body and nourishing my brain with positive thoughts. Okay.