Tonight I am struggling with a very dear to me family member who is an addict. I have been dealing with this pain on and off for more than 15 years. Just when I think that maybe things are going okay again though, this person calls me up to have a "philosophical conversation". These usually begin pleasantly enough but end with me realizing that they are getting more and more loaded during the conversation. Finally, I decide that I've had enough when it goes from being a conversation to my getting lectured. What began as a cry for help always ends up with a lot of "I know everything"
I have to take this time to remind myself of these things...
- An addict will only accept the need to change when the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of remaining the same. (I feel like this has been a long time coming, but not quite there yet)
- only the addict can make the decision to seek help
- I love you too much to help you die
- I also love you too much to make excuses for you, let you blame others for your situation, or let you lie to me.
I should really learn to listen to that feeling I got in the pit of my stomach tonight when I picked up the phone. Now I'll probably be upset for several hours. Is it better to try to help, or better to stay away? I never know.
Also, I'd like to state for the record that I really wish it were alcohol that were illegal. More lives have been ruined by that poison. And more lives in my family than I care to think about. It's very sad to think about.