2.13.2012

patience


Tonight I am struggling with a very dear to me family member who is an addict. I have been dealing with this pain on and off for more than 15 years. Just when I think that maybe things are going okay again though, this person calls me up to have a "philosophical conversation". These usually begin pleasantly enough but end with me realizing that they are getting more and more loaded during the conversation. Finally, I decide that I've had enough when it goes from being a conversation to my getting lectured. What began as a cry for help always ends up with a lot of "I know everything"

I have to take this time to remind myself of these things...

  1. An addict will only accept the need to change when the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of remaining the same. (I feel like this has been a long time coming, but not quite there yet)
  2. only the addict can make the decision to seek help
  3. I love you too much to help you die
  4. I also love you too much to make excuses for you, let you blame others for your situation, or let you lie to me.

I should really learn to listen to that feeling I got in the pit of my stomach tonight when I picked up the phone. Now I'll probably be upset for several hours. Is it better to try to help, or better to stay away? I never know.

Also, I'd like to state for the record that I really wish it were alcohol that were illegal. More lives have been ruined by that poison. And more lives in my family than I care to think about. It's very sad to think about.

1 comment:

Y is for Yogini said...

sending you love. xo

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