Today's post is to think of something I have to forgive someone for. This is a hard one, because I tend not to hold grudges. I'm much harder on myself than I am on other people. Usually, I give them the benefit of the doubt to a fault. But I do genuinely believe that we are capable of anything, given a certain set of circumstances. So in essence, I can easily forgive most transgressions because I can empathize with their motivation for causing harm.
There is one case I can think of however. There is a person in my life whom I love very much, but has been battling with addiction for years. I've lately become quite cold and indifferent to this person's suffering, mostly out of a need for self-preservation. It's easy to get sucked into thinking that you can make someone change, especially when it comes to addiction. However, one of the things that recovery programs teach to the people who are hurt by addicts is that you have to forgive them. They are victims of an addiction. This allows you to be compassionate, but also to not invest emotionally in their suffering. The goal is non-judgment. They are an individual who is responsible for their own choices. To be honest, I'm not sure that I can do this, at least right now. I am just too angry. I come from a long line of co-dependency and family members who enable addictive behaviors. Tough love is something seen my family as almost cruel and unusual. And that empathy that I was talking about? Well, I've also battled addiction and seen many friends also go through it. You would think that would make me more empathetic, but actually it makes it more difficult. I guess I can just see now how my behavior was really hurting those around me and how completely self-absorbed I was. So it's hard to go back to that place. And it's hard not to judge. Looks like it's time to return back to the 4 truths:
1. Friendliness towards the joyful
2. Compassion for those who are suffering
3. Celebrating the good in others
4. Remaining impartial to the faults and imperfections of others