4.08.2010

Time to head back

Vacations are a time to be flexible. I realize that. But I can't help but feel that I could have done slightly better in sticking with my practice while I was here visiting my family. The first day I was here I was very good and got up early. The following day, did nothing but relaxed. Third day, I did no yoga but did do some exercises and went swimming, fourth day was very good, took the dog for a long walk, came back and did yoga outside. This morning I won't do anything because it's a "ladies holiday." So all in all I feel like I was active and got plenty of exercise on this trip, but did not really stick to my practice all that well. I also didn't really stick to my resolve to drink lightly, if at all. Tonight it is 3 AM and I am awake from having too much wine. Now I have a headache and my stomach is a mess. I'm dreading the drive back because I'll be tired and likely won't feel well.

For part of my adult life I had issues with alcohol. There was a time that I was drinking excessively, to the detriment of all things; my job, my relationships and my health. Thankfully, I was able to pull out of it. Partly because I found a great partner who supported me, and partly from having a child. Getting pregnant allowed me to abstain long enough to remember how great it feels to be sober. I genuinely think that people with alcohol problems can drink in moderation but only after they've abstained for at least a year. You must take the time to relearn how to do things without the aid of alcohol. Learn how to relax, how to socialize and have fun--all without the liquid courage. Once I was able to do these things and take an honest look at why I had been making the choices I was, then I was able to drink responsibly. Although to this day there are certain drinks, like whiskey, that I just avoid altogether. I find that I can drink wine and not become emotional or out of control. An important part of all of this though is constant reevaluation. If I feel like I'm drinking too much, that it's becoming a crutch to get me through the week, even if it's just one drink a night and no one even notices, I'll choose to cut back and take some time off. This is what abstinence brings about and why it is so important-- it allows you to know what is healthy and what isn't. And it allows you not to be afraid of what will happen if you stop drinking for awhile. To me, it's no big deal. For example, I have a night out with friends coming up -- I don't know right now if I'll feel like drinking, but I know that I won't feel obligated to, or that I can't have any fun unless I do. Right now, I'm not super happy with myself for having over done it tonight. This tends to happen when I visit my family. But tomorrow is a new day, and a new opportunity to make good decisions. (hopefully I can get a little sleep before it comes :)

3 comments:

B. Miller said...

Be safe on your trip home, and don't berate yourself too much.

ily said...

I'm just impressed you could write such a post while drunk! Nice work! Clearly you weren't drunk enough ;-P I remember drinking...I have about 6 months to go and then i can tie one on. I guess I COULD sooner, but then there is all this pumping that needs to take place. And to be honest I don't really mind not 'partying.' Not necessarily for clarity purposes, more for practical ones I guess.

Glad you had a good time at home. Looks like the weather was awesome! Nice working sticking to the yoga, even if it wasn't in the morning. xo

maepress said...

Thanks! No, at the point when wrote that I was no longer drunk - just starting a hangover. :(

Although it may sound like I'm beating myself up, I think of it as just keeping track, keeping myself honest. Not judging.

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