plodding on

Unfortunately I missed practice this morning because the mister insisted that I stay up very late discussing things. Is it bad that I just kept thinking, "can we just drop this so I can go to bed?" Nothing was resolved anyway, more hurt feelings, more drama. I just don't need this right now. I have a busy week, today I meet with the Grawmeyer award winner for a grad student breakfast, then go to his talk. This evening I get to make a pitch to the PTA of SG's school for a school garden! Tomorrow I have to leave super early to go to Indianapolis to meet with another great scientist and see her talk. I'm super excited about her work, and secretly hope that I could get a post-doc with her. She's at Northwestern and does really interesting imaging work. Then the husband leaves on Thursday for four days to go to North Carolina for a tree climbing competition. Although that leaves me as the sole child-care provider (and I just realized that also means that I can't go to yoga class - shit!) But I'm relieved nonetheless. I need a break from the problems. This way my evenings can be spent reading in peace instead of fighting about who knows what. Well, I guess as far as class goes, there's none tomorrow, then I can go Thursday morning, then miss Friday, then there's no class on Saturday, and maybe I can work out a way to get there on Sunday. It's times like this that having grandparents in town would be really nice. Maybe SG could sleep over at someone's house Saturday night. I don't know. Definitely makes me think twice about being a single mom. Sometimes all the freedom and peace sounds nice, then when I think about the logistics of it all - I really don't know how women do it! And for people who aren't married that are reading this, don't be horrified, married life doesn't always consist of butterflies and flowers. It's a long haul. And I've always been a firm believer that feelings are valid, no matter what those feelings are. I just wish that I was in control of those feelings, instead of having them influenced by someone else! This is an absolutely beautiful week, there are flowers exploding everywhere, I got to do some gardening yesterday, I get to ride my bike to campus... all of these fun things to do, we shouldn't be fighting!! I shouldn't be spending my day worrying about these things. Anyway, it's time to get to school -- I'm going to try to enjoy my day despite all of this crap.


B. Miller said...

Good for you for focusing on the positive. Sometimes we need a little break from our spouse to help us remember what it's like to be ourselves again. It's important to realize who we are and what we want as individuals so we can apply these things to our relationships and make sure we're moving towards common goals. Otherwise we fall into codependency and fighting/bickering. I sure hope things get better soon... If you ever need a vacation, I've got a place for you to crash, no questions asked, and I'll keep it a secret too. Ya won't even have to hide in my closet this time. ;)

Hope that made you laugh (or at least smile). Take care and be safe going to Indy. I hope you have a great visit with your colleague!

maepress said...

Thanks - I appreciate the laugh :) I am trying to focus on the positive although I feel like I'm walking underwater today. Things will get better, because I will make them better!!


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