2.23.2007

if I only had a....

Well, it's official. I've been accepted into the PhD program for Experimental Psychology at the University of Louisville. And it's only been a six year detour since college! Here's a quick synopsis: after college I worked with schizophrenics and lived in a party house. This basically led to a total breakdown of my mental facilities and I spent a year as a depressed alcoholic and moved across the country to Idaho. While trying to be a writer/hermit in Idaho I met the love of my life, who was working for the forest service. Shortly after we met, we then moved to Louisville KY. But then we found out that we were going to become three, so we had to get serious. He decided to get his Master's in Urban Forestry and we moved to South Carolina. We lived there for a couple years and I learned what it means to be a stay-at-home mom. I enjoy the freedom of time, being able to be unscheduled. And I started really getting into a crafty phase, knitting, bookbinding, and collaging. I don't think I would've really ever been able to explore that side of myself without that opportunity. But it's not totally for me. All this time I've just really wanted to go back to school. And I don't think I can handle any more kids. I'm a wuss when it comes to having my personal space invaded, and not having enough alone time. That hermit part of me will always be there. And if there's one thing that kids do more than anything, it's invade your personal space. (I say as my 3-year-old is sharing my chair and reaching over the keyboard for a pen) I'm also really not good at being financially dependent on someone, my pride has problems with that. So by this time next year I'm sure I'll be wondering what the hell I was thinking, leaving all this quiet and free time behind for grad school. But for now, I'll just pretend that it's going to be the glimmering ideal that it is in my head, which is an intellectual playground, full of busy and excited people exploring the inner workings of the mind and brain, making important discoveries. I've got the summer to play and garden to my heart's content, and I'm determined to spend a lot of time with my little girl and make this a really fun spring/summer.
A comment on the picture above. Every one's heard the old right brain artistic/ left brain rational dichotomy. While it's really not that simple, or that accurate- I still always feel like I'm trying to join these two sides of myself somehow. I want to be both a free spirited artistic individual while at the same time, being a rational, scientific intellectual. A real Renaissance woman. It's a pretty good thing to strive for I guess, Or maybe it's just a really good way of never being truly happy with who I am. Is there a doctor in the house? Hell yeah.

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